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The Judges: Week 10

In 2011, each week 10 judges will review two short synopses from films that are currently in development.

The objective is to all (that includes us judges) learn from the exercise.

Please comment on our comments!

Creative Commons License photo credit: swanksalot

If you have an opinion on any of these synopses or the feedback from the judges, please share it with us in the comments below.

Please keep the discussion constructive. Even if your first instinct may be subjective, try to give us as objective a reply as possible.

MADELEINE BLACK


“Two feminists of different generations battle their differences on love, loyalty and the nature of dating, in a comedy of errors.”

The judges’ votes:


Do you want to see this film?

Yes: 30% – No: 40% – Not sure: 30%

Would Australians want to see it?

Yes: 30% – No: 30% – Not sure: 40%

Would it work in rest of the world?

Yes: 10% – No: 45% – Not sure: 45%

 

The judges’ verdict:


Ursula: Why such an emphasis on the nature of dating? This worries me that this story which could have so much depth may treat feminism in a superficial way. There area lot more issues that they could be arguing about besides the nature of dating. I would leave that out. It cheapens the idea.

As the feminist movement is generally humourless,
this could be interesting.

Jack: As the feminist movement is generally humourless this could be interesting. The synopsis could be a bit more specific. “Two feminists of different generation” does not tell us much about the characters.

The synopsis reads like a story about
two women continually arguing, which is not funny.

Nina: The synopsis reads like a story about two women continually arguing which is not funny. Comedy either needs a comedic hero or a comedic villain or a comedic world – two out of the three are sufficient – and none of these are evident in this synopsis.


MAIDEN VOYAGE


“Michelle is a young solo yachtswoman whose boat is sinking in the Southern Ocean. Her only hope is a small freighter that is bearing down on her, but when she boards it she finds the crew is dead…and she is not alone.”

The judges’ votes:


Do you want to see this film?

Yes: 70 % – No:  30% – Not sure:  0%

Would Australians want to see it?

Yes: 60% – No:  10% – Not sure:  30%

Would it work in rest of the world?

Yes:  60% – No:  30% – Not sure:  10%

 

The judges’ verdict:


Karel: Excellent setup for a thriller … or a horror movie? Perhaps the genre should be clarified further.  This logline promises a great cinematic journey in which the heroin has two objectives: 1) Reach land and 2) Stay alive.

Excellent setup for a thriller … or a horror movie?

Margaret: Good set-up and I like the title too. However, I’ve seen the “ghost ship” story before. What makes this one different? Once she finds the rest of the crew dead, is her goal to figure out what happened to them, or to sail back to land, or is it simply to stay alive? What kind of obstacles does she face? If this summary said a bit more, it might also indicate what makes this story more unique then the others that came before it.

However, I’ve seen the “ghost ship” story before.
What makes this one different?

Jack:It sounds like a good story, but the synopsis is a bit clunky. The freighter is bearing down on her, but she seems to have no trouble boarding it. A better synopsis might begin “When a solo yachtswoman boards a freighter to escape her sinking vessel, she makes a grizzly discovery. All the crew are dead, and she is not alone.”


The Judges (click for details)



So what is your verdict? Would you want to see these films? Why (not)? Did the judges get it right? How would you improve the synopses/loglines and what do you feel might improve the stories behind them?

Please give us your opinion in the comments at the bottom of this page.


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Comments 2

  1. Ian

    ‘Comedy of errors’… How many times has that been used in a logline? I agree with Nina – it doesn’t sound like fun.

    Maiden Voyage sounds more like something I’d see.

    Nice work, judges!

  2. David

    Maiden Voyage – it’s instructive to note the least original premise is not the least seductive.

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