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	<title>The Story Department &#187; consultancy</title>
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	<link>http://thestorydepartment.com</link>
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		<title>Script Dip Test</title>
		<link>http://thestorydepartment.com/consultancy/service-script-dip-test/</link>
		<comments>http://thestorydepartment.com/consultancy/service-script-dip-test/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 17 Apr 2008 23:05:42 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Karel Segers</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Stuff]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[admin]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[consultancy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[first draft]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[format]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[screenplay]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[script]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[story]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[synopsis]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?page_id=272</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[You have a story and you have a script. Do you have genius? description: Test-drive the consultancy service before embarking on an exciting journey of story exploration and screenplay perfection. Or just test your own talent. How solid is your story, how sharp your style? This service combines the simple efficiency of Option 1 with [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><strong>You have a story and you have a script. Do you have genius?<br />
</strong></p>
<h2><span style="color: #336699;"><strong>description:</strong></span></h2>
<p>Test-drive the consultancy service before embarking on an exciting journey of story exploration and screenplay perfection. Or just test your own talent. How solid is your story, how sharp your style?</p>
<p>This service combines the simple efficiency of <strong><a href="http://thestorydepartment.com/wp-admin/sto">Option 1</a> </strong>with notes on up to 30 script pages. Find out whether you&#8217;re on the right track, at half the cost of <a href="http://thestorydepartment.com/service-script-notes"><strong>Script Notes</strong></a>.<strong><br />
</strong></p>
<h2><span><strong><span style="color: #336699;"><strong>objectives:</strong></span></strong></span></h2>
<p>- check the story structure<br />
- check if the synopsis sells<br />
- check format and style of the screenplay<br />
- analyse basic inner and outer journey structure<br />
- first draft: set a target for your story, then stick to it<br />
- first draft: test drive The Story Dept. before committing to a development plan</p>
<h2><span><strong><span style="color: #336699;"><strong>turnaround(*):</strong></span></strong></span></h2>
<p>- five working days from receipt of materials and payment.</p>
<h2><span><strong><span style="color: #336699;"><strong>payment:</strong></span></strong></span></h2>
<p>- payment in full prior to commencement of the phone consultation.<br />
- methods accepted: PayPal, Direct Transfer, Bank Cheque, Credit Card(**)<br />
- part-refunded if in conjunction with an other service (within one month).</p>
<h2><strong>proceed and <a href="http://thestorydepartment.com/booking-script-dip-test">book this service</a></strong></h2>
<p align="left">
<p><strong>Back to services by <a href="http://thestorydepartment.com/wp-admin/budget-range">budget range</a>, <a href="http://thestorydepartment.com/wp-admin/time-frame">time frame</a> or <a href="http://thestorydepartment.com/wp-admin/script-stage">script stage</a>.</strong></p>
<p align="center">____________________________________________________________</p>
<p align="left">(*) Estimated, based on past experience.<br />
(**) Processing fee may apply.</p>
<p align="center">
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		<title>Script Services</title>
		<link>http://thestorydepartment.com/consultancy/</link>
		<comments>http://thestorydepartment.com/consultancy/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 17 Apr 2008 23:05:17 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Karel Segers</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Stuff]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[consultancy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[screenplay]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[screenwriter]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[script]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[story]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?page_id=271</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[This page lists the most popular services I&#8217;m offering as a story analyst and script editor. Check under &#8216;Full Range&#8217; for the complete list and contact me if what you need is not in the list. . TOP CHOICE: Option 19: The Cave ($3,740) = private, 3-day workshop. . MOST POPULAR: Option 1: Story Diagnosis [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<h4 style="text-align: left;">This page lists the most popular services I&#8217;m offering as a story analyst and script editor. Check under &#8216;Full Range&#8217; for the complete list and <a href="http://thestorydepartment.com/contact">contact me</a> if what you need is not in the list.</h4>
<p>.</p>
<h2 style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #f28800;">TOP CHOICE:</span></h2>
<ul>
<li>
<h4><strong>Option 19:</strong> <strong><a href="././service-the-cave">The Cave</a></strong> <strong>($3,740)</strong> = private, 3-day workshop.</h4>
</li>
</ul>
<p>.</p>
<h2 style="text-align: left;">MOST POPULAR:</h2>
<ul>
<li><strong>Option 1</strong>: <strong><a href="http://thestorydepartment.com/story-diagnosis">Story Diagnosis</a> ($99)</strong> = 1hr story session on synopsis and logline.</li>
<li><strong>Option 20</strong>: <strong><a href="http://thestorydepartment.com/short-script-analysis">Short Film Script Analysis</a> ($140)</strong> = story, writing style, format.</li>
<li><strong>Option 6</strong>: <strong><a href="http://thestorydepartment.com/step-outline-build">Script Notes + Step Outline</a> ($583)</strong> = full story breakdown + notes.</li>
<li><strong>Option 19:</strong> <strong><a href="././service-the-cave">The Cave</a></strong> <strong>($3,740)</strong> = Private, 3-day story workshop + follow-up.</li>
<li><strong>Option 17:</strong> <strong><a href="http://thestorydepartment.com/service-pro-pack">Pro Pack</a> ($5,940) </strong>= full draft assistance, including workshop.</li>
</ul>
<p>.</p>
<h2>EXTRAS</h2>
<ul>
<li><strong>Face-to-face:</strong> Where a service only includes a phone consultation, you can meet me in person  at a mutually convenient place at $55 additional to the standard fee.</li>
<li><strong>Expedited: </strong>If you need urgent feedback or a guaranteed turnaround, this can usually be arranged at an additional 25%. Remember, there&#8217;s no cheap+fast+good!</li>
<li><strong>Written Notes:</strong> Most services are interactive. Any advice depends on our discussion. If you need notes and they are not included, tell me what you need, at $55 p/p.</li>
<li><strong>Jumbo Scripts:</strong> If the page count of your feature screenplay is over 110 pages (it shouldn&#8217;t), I charge an additional $5 per page to help you come to your senses.</li>
</ul>
<p>.</p>
<h2>FULL RANGE:</h2>
<p>Click in the right hand side bar to go directly to a full list of story services by story stage, time frame or budget range.</p>
<p>In case these options are invisible, <a href="http://thestorydepartment.com/budget-range-2">click here for the list by budget.</a></p>
<p>.</p>
<h2>OTHER SERVICES:</h2>
<ul>
<li> I lecture about filmmaking, visual storytelling and screenwriting.</li>
<li>I advise on dramatic film projects in production and post-production.</li>
<li>I mentor young filmmakers, sharing experience of over 20 years in the media.</li>
</ul>
<p>For any of these services, <a href="http://thestorydepartment.com/contact">send me an email via the contact page</a> or give me a call. I am happy to travel worldwide if you make it worth my while.</p>
<p>.</p>
<h2 style="text-align: left;">NEWS:</h2>
<p style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #000000;">You can now also hire <a href="http://thestorydepartment.com/about-me">me</a> via the <a href="http://www.awg.com.au/artman/publish/article_630.shtml" target="_blank">Australian Writers Guild</a>. As the Guild works with a pool of consultants, you will need to expressly ask that Karel reviews your work. Before contacting the Guild, feel free to <a href="http://thestorydepartment.com/about-me">contact us</a> first. </span></p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #000000;">Download <a href="http://thestorydepartment.com/tsd/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/0f36060dd01.pdf">the AWG Booking Form here</a>.</span><strong> </strong></p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><strong>.<br />
</strong></p>
<h4 style="text-align: left; padding-left: 50px;"><span style="color: #336699;">The Story Department offers its clients a premium service,<br />
unequaled by other consultants.<br />
The following extras are included at no additional cost (*):</span></h4>
<li style="padding-left: 50px;">Recording of telephone sessions to mp3.</li>
<li style="padding-left: 50px;">Secure private web page with a backup of your documents.</li>
<li style="padding-left: 50px;">Instructions on format and style, do&#8217;s and don&#8217;ts etc.</li>
<p style="text-align: left; padding-left: 50px;">(*) <strong><a href="about-me#contact">Contact me</a></strong> for details and ask me if you need any of these included.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">.</p>
<h2>TESTIMONIALS</h2>
<blockquote><p><em class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">If you’re serious about scriptwriting,<br />
a consultation with Karel is invaluable.<br />
-Annie Cossins</em></p></blockquote>
<p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; font-size: medium;"> </span></p>
<div style="background-color: #ffffff; font: 13px/19px Georgia,'Times New Roman','Bitstream Charter',Times,serif; padding: 0.6em; margin: 0px;">
<p><em class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">&#8220;If you&#8217;re serious about scriptwriting, a consultation with Karel is invaluable. I had gone as far as I thought I could go with my script &#8211; Karel&#8217;s analysis gave me ideas I couldn&#8217;t see myself and set me on a new path towards writing the best script possible.&#8221;<br />
- Annie Cossins<br />
<a href="http://www.runningwiththeboys.com" target="_blank">Writer/Producer</a></em></p>
<p>________________________</p>
<blockquote><p>I’m happy to report the script has won<br />
the 2007 Monte Miller award.<br />
-Nathan Fielding</p></blockquote>
<p>&#8220;I came to you with a bunch of scenes in the hope of finding a story and when I look back now at that very rough draft I&#8217;m still surprised at how far we have come.</p>
<p>You always brought such a clear and constructive perspective to our meetings, telephone conversations and even my boozy emails.</p>
<p>To be able to sit down and work one on one with you has helped me not only write this story, but to acquire skills that I&#8217;ll take to future projects.</p>
<p>I always left our meetings with not only a clearer understanding of my own writing, but with renewed energy and inspiration to push myself further. I can&#8217;t thank you enough for your time, patience, good humour and genuine enthusiasm you show for your craft.</p>
<p>Now I&#8217;m happy to report the script has won the 2007 Monte Miller award (just as we had planned). Thanks again Karel. I&#8217;ll get to work on another oddly thrown together bunch of characters and give you a call. I know you love a challenge. Cheers.&#8221;</p>
<p><strong class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">-Nathan Fielding,<br />
&#8220;Little Things&#8221;,<br />
Winner Monte Miller Award 2007</strong><br />
________________________</p>
<blockquote><p>Karel’s advice is backed up with examples,<br />
and our discussions have ranged from<br />
“Schindler’s List” to “Toy Story”.<br />
-Jack Brislee</p></blockquote>
<p>&#8220;Karel has thoroughly analysed my script and synopsis and provided excellent advice. He draws on a vast fund of film knowledge and years of screenplay analysis.</p>
<p>Karel tactfully showed me the areas in my script where drama was lacking and provided insightful suggestions for improvements. By concentrating first on the synopsis he is able to find the strengths and weaknesses in the story structure. By taking Karel&#8217;s advice I found the character arcs and dialogue flowed naturally and logically and my script was a vast improvement on the original.</p>
<p>Karel&#8217;s advice is backed up with examples, and our discussions have ranged from &#8220;Schindler&#8217;s List&#8221; to &#8220;Toy Story&#8221;. Because he is a true film aficionado and a first class script analyst, Karel was able to bring the best out of my script. I strongly recommend Karel&#8217;s service to all script writers.&#8221;</p>
<p><strong class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">-Jack Brislee,Chairman<br />
Australian Writers Guild<br />
NSW Associates Committee</strong><br />
________________________</p>
<p>&#8220;What Karel is offering is an essential first step in a successful script. Structure is everything. If you don&#8217;t have that right, your screenplay will never be green lighted. Karel&#8217;s service is unique and everything else, including a screenplay editor is &#8216;cart before the horse.&#8221;</p>
<p><strong class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">-Anny Slater<br />
Award-winning Screenwriter<br />
Principal of Moondance Pictures</strong><br />
________________________</p>
<blockquote><p>He is a rare beast amongst story consultants –<br />
a film literate and long-standing aficionado<br />
of many film genres.<br />
-Kieran Galvin</p></blockquote>
<p>&#8220;Karel has provided excellent feedback on my screenplays. Always a &#8216;big picture&#8217; guy he never loses sight of the overall thrust of the story, the narrative truths and the importance of character and he never gets distracted with the little stuff that tends to fix itself when the important parts are working harmoniously.</p>
<p>I&#8217;ve always found Karel to be wonderfully enthusiastic and quick with feedback. He&#8217;s honest and pragmatic but he knows the story is yours and he doesn&#8217;t try to rewrite it the way some editors can become fixated with shaping the story the way they would tell it. He is a rare beast amongst story consultants &#8211; a film literate and long-standing aficionado of many film genres. I hold Karel in very high regard.&#8221;</p>
<p><strong class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">-Kieran Galvin<br />
Writer / Director PUPPY<br />
Writer FEED</strong><br />
________________________</p>
<blockquote><p>Even after having had the script (5th draft) edited<br />
by my agent and the AWG service,<br />
you have been the first to really understand<br />
what I’m on about here.<br />
-Andy Otes</p></blockquote>
<p>&#8220;Even after having had the script (5th draft) edited by my agent and the AWG service, you have been the first to really understand what I&#8217;m on about here. Not only did you make extremely insightful comments and suggestions, picking up structural shortcomings, you pointed me in a direction that hadn&#8217;t occurred to me: a love story rather than a routine crime movie, in which form it would have limited potential.&#8221;</p>
<p><strong class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">- Andy Otes<br />
Professional Copywriter</strong></p>
<p>________________________</p>
<blockquote><p>I am now sending my pitches to Hollywood.<br />
-Elizabeth Ban</p></blockquote>
<p>&#8220;For the past two years I have been slaving away at my sci-fi screenplay that I was sure to sell to major producers. It had a great story line, amazing aliens and believable human characters. Confident of success, I submitted the opus to the NSW FTO&#8217;s New Writers&#8217; Scheme. Lo and behold, they had a lot of good things to say about the film, but someone else impressed them more, and I was left with my ego hanging out to dry.</p>
<p>A few months later I took my courage in hand and re-read the screenplay. It read great, it was moving, the turning points were believable &#8211; until I hit page 80. Even I could tell that the story died, right there and then. What to do?</p>
<p>Enter Karel Segers of Ozzywood Films and his incredible insights into story structure. After reading my synopsis, Karel gave me a detailed analysis of where the structure is deficient and why the story died exactly on page 80.</p>
<p>His analysis was along the same lines as the one from the NSWFTO, but he was more thorough and the face-to-face dialogue helped to pinpoint exactly the deficient elements of structure.</p>
<p>I am now sending my pitches to Hollywood and am delighted to have this opportunity to recommend Karel to anyone whose story structure needs a bit of TLC. Karel is definitely the doctor to consult.&#8221;</p>
<p><strong class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">-Elizabeth Ban<br />
Writer / Journalist</strong><br />
________________________</p>
<blockquote><p>Karel’s understanding of film markets and production is an added bonus.<br />
-Wojciech Wawrzyniak</p></blockquote>
<p>&#8220;The service Karel provides is filled with thorough and honest feedback that genuinely helps to develop and construct a solid and refined story.</p>
<p>Coming with years of script analysis experience, Karel&#8217;s constant care and advice on the content of the story helped establish the timing of its events and the unfolding of its featured character arcs to their full potential.</p>
<p>Any writer would be a fool not to take unbiased, constructive comments that help them build a better, more powerful story. Karel&#8217;s understanding of film markets and production is an added bonus that helps the script become not only powerfully structured, but also audience friendly without losing its intent and integrity.</p>
<p>Reading back my initial, pre-consulted draft, I do not know where I would have been without this service to help make it the ripper of a story that it is now. Thank you for helping me become a better writer! I recommend anyone else out there trying to get their material seen to do the same.&#8221;</p>
<p><strong class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">- Wojciech Wawrzyniak<br />
Writer/Director</strong><br />
________________________</p>
<p>&#8220;I write for the love of creating and telling original stories. The stories roll along with good characters and dialogue, with twists and turns, perhaps a hint of the supernatural or a smattering of comedic one liners, which is all well and good if you just want to write a story for your own entertainment. But, thanks to Karel, I realise that a good script, a great script, has to be more than that. His wealth of experience, understanding and intuitive feel for structure, coupled with a steady hand on his &#8216;script scalpel&#8217;, can reshape a good story into a structured script that continually drives the story forward which, as sure we&#8217;re all aware, is what a producer wants to see in a script.&#8221;</p>
<p><strong class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">-Andy Hartley<br />
Writer</strong><br />
________________________</p>
<p>&#8220;My writing partner and I approached Karel with an outline for a Narrative Comedy we had been developing. Whilst we were happy with our work, we knew it had to be critiqued by a professional before we even thought about approaching funding bodies.</p>
<p>Karel effectively guided us on story structure and character development which gave us a great insight on how to improve our work. He was generous with his time and was a real pleasure to work with.</p>
<p>Thanks to his feedback, we now feel we have an even greater chance at succeeding in this competitive industry.&#8221;</p>
<p><strong class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">-Christopher Kezelos<br />
Writer/Director<br />
Founder of Virtuactive</strong><br />
________________________</p>
<blockquote><p>You’d be doing yourself a big favour by contacting Karel with your synopsis before you sit down to write that 120 page dream.<br />
-Harry Gorry</p></blockquote>
<p>&#8220;I&#8217;d recommend Karel to anyone serious about screenwriting.</p>
<p>His clear, detailed and empathetic approach brought clarity and purpose to a story in need of his professional service.</p>
<p>You&#8217;d be doing yourself a big favour by contacting Karel with your synopsis before you sit down to write that 120 page dream. His skills just might save you considerable time and get you thinking outside the square.&#8221;</p>
<p><strong class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">-Harry Gorry<br />
Screenwriter</strong><br />
________________________</p>
<blockquote><p>I have to tell you that you are the first person to really attack the story but also offer suggestions for fixing it.<br />
-Megan Shields</p></blockquote>
<p>&#8220;Thank you so much for the invaluable feedback you offered me today. I am thinking in new terms now and am excited that the stories will be reignited.<br />
I have to tell you that you are the first person to really attack the story but also offer suggestions for fixing it.&#8221;</p>
<p><strong class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">-Megan Shields</strong><br />
________________________</p>
<blockquote><p>You were inspirational.<br />
-Ly De Angeles</p></blockquote>
<p>&#8220;At first I was frustrated. I couldn&#8217;t see.<br />
I re-wrote the synopsis and ended up with 4 pages. I knew I didn&#8217;t have it.</p>
<p>Then tonight your words sank in.<br />
I forced myself to look at Rose through really honest eyes. And . . .?<br />
I love you I love you I love you!</p>
<p>I haven&#8217;t gone back to the synopsis.<br />
I don&#8217;t care right now. And I haven&#8217;t typed up what I wrote; it&#8217;s hand-written. I phoned my daughter who is the co-writer and she said &#8220;Mama, you&#8217;ve just written me.&#8221;</p>
<p>It&#8217;s the lonely way of artistic people in a banal world.</p>
<p>You were inspirational. Challenge does it for me every time.&#8221;</p>
<p><strong class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">-Ly de Angeles<br />
Published Author<br />
www.lydeangeles.com</strong><br />
________________________</p>
<blockquote><p>I give Karel Segers my highest recommendation.<br />
-Steen Marcussen</p></blockquote>
<p>When was the last time you truly got value for money?</p>
<p>When did you last receive:</p>
<p>* Exceptional competence and diligence.<br />
* Honesty.<br />
* Quick and efficient turn-around service on all work.<br />
* Dynamic attention to all details.<br />
* Guidance of high calibre to improve your own writing style.<br />
* Talented editing.<br />
* Excellent value for money.</p>
<p>If you want all of the above, you cannot go wrong in contacting Karel Segers, a man who delivers! A man of his word, and a tremendous help to any writer who seeks excellence in script-writing or guidance to self-improvement.</p>
<p>I give Karel Segers my highest recommendation.</p>
<p><strong class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Steen Marcussen<br />
Author of<br />
&#8220;2000 Carats&#8221;<br />
&#8220;Africa Go Go&#8221;</strong><br />
________________________<br />
<a name="courses"></a><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px; font-size: medium;"><strong class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">THE  STORY DEPARTMENT &#8211; COURSES</strong></span></p>
<p><em class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">“Karel Segers brilliantly conveys the best  of what is currently understood about effective story telling for the  cinema. His method of teaching is highly responsive, vividly supported  by carefully selected visuals, and, best of all, witty and memorable.”<br />
-Ron  Cobb<br />
<a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0167803/" target="_blank">Concept  Artist, Writer, Director</a></em></p>
<div><em class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">&#8220;AlI can say is &#8216;wow&#8217; &#8211; I was able to gain a  new insight into why Hollywood films are so successful.  As an actor  and film maker the &#8216;lights have gone on!&#8217; so to speak. I feel I can now  assess any short or feature script in a totally new light and do so with  great confidence thanks to your workshops and the methodology you  teach.  I will be recommending your services to my film makers and  screen writers network.&#8221;</em></div>
<div><em class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">-Graham Gall<br />
Actor/Director<br />
</em></div>
<p><em class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">“I attended a course of  Karel&#8217;s in 2007 and two years later the details of what I learned have  stayed with me. I catch myself automatically observing films and reading  books using the critical tools I learned from Karel, and most  importantly &#8211; how a story could be improved.”<br />
-Marcus Amann<br />
<a href="http://writequickly.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Professional  Writer</a></em></p>
<p><em class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">“I enjoyed the day enormously and thought you were just  wonderful. My knowledge and understanding of films was expanded  enormously, and many things I understood instinctively but had never  heard articulated about the art of storytelling were nailed firmly in  place.<br />
It was fantastic!”<br />
-Kate Forsyth<br />
<a href="http://www.kateforsyth.com.au/" target="_blank">Best-selling  Author ‘Witches of Eileanan’</a></em></p>
<p><em class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">“Karel is the new breed of Teachers who not  only conveys the technicality so effortlessly, but makes you want to  write your story. He is passionate, focused and he knows his stuff.  Karel you Rock, dude!”<br />
-Gerard John<br />
Producer / Entrepreneur</em></p>
<p><em class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">“I came to you with a bunch of  scenes in the hope of finding a story and when I look back I’m still  surprised at how far we have come. Now the script has won the 2007 Monte  Miller award. Thanks again Karel.”<br />
-Nathan Fielding<br />
<a href="http://www.awg.com.au/artman/publish/article_450.shtml" target="_blank">Winner 2007 AWG Monte Miller Award</a></em></p>
<p><em class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">“He never gets distracted with  the little stuff that tends to fix itself when the important parts are  working harmoniously. Karel is a rare beast amongst story consultants &#8211; a  film literate and long-standing aficionado of many film genres. I hold  Karel in very high regard.”<br />
-Kieran Galvin<br />
<a href="http://www.kierangalvin.com/" target="_blank">Film Director /  Screenwriter</a></em></p>
<p><em class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">“Karel is my go-to guy for Script Development and/or  assessment. He has a unique insight into the process and any projects I  bring him are always infinitely improved by the time we have finished.  His grasp of story and structure is second to none. I have recommended  his services to several colleagues in the past, all of whom have been  very satisfied with the results.”<br />
- Michael Favelle<br />
International  Sales Agent<br />
<a href="http://if.com.au/2009/01/05/article/MASDFBAVHW.html" target="_blank">Top 10 Person to Watch in 2009</a></em></p>
<p><em class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">“Karel Segers is Australia’s  Robert McKee”<br />
– Stephen J De Jager<br />
Creative Director,<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://www.roadshow.com.au/Default.html" target="_blank">Roadshow  Entertainment</a></em></p>
<div><em class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">&#8220;Karel I just finished watching &#8216;Die Hard&#8217;  again with two weekends with you fresh in my mind and I also went and  saw &#8216;State of Play&#8217; with Russell Crowe over the long weekend. AlI can  say is &#8216;wow&#8217; &#8211; I analysed both of these films  using your screen play  analysis methodology and was able to gain a new insight into why  Hollywood films are so successful.  The &#8216;Heroes Journey&#8217; is so totally  obvious and each of the events, crises and climaxes that you explain so  clearly are there for all to see and they work!</em></div>
<div><em class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">As an actor and film maker the  &#8216;lights have gone on!&#8217; so to speak. I feel I can now assess any short  or feature script in a totally new light and do so with great confidence  thanks to your workshops and the methodology you teach.  I will be  recommending your services to my film makers and screen writers network  and hopefully I will be able to use you myself when I get some funding  on future projects.&#8221;</em></div>
<div><em class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">-Graham Gall<br />
Actor/Director</em></div>
<div><em class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">.<br />
</em></div>
<h6>SMALL PRINT:</p>
<p>As almost all professional consultants, my lawyers won&#8217;t let me look  at your script unless you sign a release form that will protect me once  your movie or a similar one gets made. This shit happens all the time,  ask me about it by just mentioning the magic words &#8216;TIN CAN HEART&#8217; (or  you could equally try &#8220;WALL-E&#8221;. I&#8217;ll tell you the story if you don&#8217;t  already know.</h6>
</div>
<div id="_mcePaste" style="position: absolute; left: -10000px; top: 653px; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden;"><a name="courses"></a><br />
&lt;strong&gt;THE STORY DEPARTMENT &#8211; COURSES&lt;/strong&gt;</p>
<p>&lt;em&gt;“Karel Segers brilliantly conveys the best of what is currently understood about effective story telling for the cinema. His method of teaching is highly responsive, vividly supported by carefully selected visuals, and, best of all, witty and memorable.”<br />
-Ron Cobb<br />
&lt;a href=&#8221;http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0167803/&#8221; target=&#8221;_blank&#8221;&gt;Concept Artist, Writer, Director&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/em&gt;<br />
&lt;div&gt;&lt;em&gt;&#8221;AlI can say is &#8216;wow&#8217; &#8211; I was able to gain a new insight into why Hollywood films are so successful.  As an actor and film maker the &#8216;lights have gone on!&#8217; so to speak. I feel I can now assess any short or feature script in a totally new light and do so with great confidence thanks to your workshops and the methodology you teach.  I will be recommending your services to my film makers and screen writers network.&#8221;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/div&gt;<br />
&lt;div&gt;&lt;em&gt;-Graham Gall<br />
Actor/Director<br />
&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/div&gt;<br />
&lt;em&gt;“I attended a course of Karel&#8217;s in 2007 and two years later the details of what I learned have stayed with me. I catch myself automatically observing films and reading books using the critical tools I learned from Karel, and most importantly &#8211; how a story could be improved.”<br />
-Marcus Amann<br />
&lt;a href=&#8221;http://writequickly.blogspot.com/&#8221; target=&#8221;_blank&#8221;&gt;Professional Writer&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/em&gt;</p>
<p>&lt;em&gt;“I enjoyed the day enormously and thought you were just wonderful. My  knowledge and understanding of films was expanded enormously, and many things I  understood instinctively but had never heard articulated about the art of  storytelling were nailed firmly in place.<br />
It was fantastic!”<br />
-Kate  Forsyth<br />
&lt;a href=&#8221;http://www.kateforsyth.com.au/&#8221; target=&#8221;_blank&#8221;&gt;Best-selling Author ‘Witches of Eileanan’&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/em&gt;</p>
<p>&lt;em&gt;“Karel is the new breed of Teachers who not only conveys the technicality  so effortlessly, but makes you want to write your story. He is passionate,  focused and he knows his stuff. Karel you Rock, dude!”<br />
-Gerard  John<br />
Producer / Entrepreneur&lt;/em&gt;</p>
<p>&lt;em&gt;“I came to you with a bunch of scenes in the hope of finding a story and  when I look back I’m still surprised at how far we have come. Now the script has  won the 2007 Monte Miller award. Thanks again Karel.”<br />
-Nathan  Fielding<br />
&lt;a href=&#8221;http://www.awg.com.au/artman/publish/article_450.shtml&#8221; target=&#8221;_blank&#8221;&gt;Winner 2007 AWG Monte Miller Award&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/em&gt;</p>
<p>&lt;em&gt;“He never gets distracted with the little stuff  that tends to fix itself when the important parts are working harmoniously.  Karel is a rare beast amongst story consultants &#8211; a film literate and  long-standing aficionado of many film genres. I hold Karel in very high  regard.”<br />
-Kieran Galvin<br />
&lt;a href=&#8221;http://www.kierangalvin.com/&#8221; target=&#8221;_blank&#8221;&gt;Film Director / Screenwriter&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/em&gt;</p>
<p>&lt;em&gt;“Karel is my go-to guy for Script Development and/or assessment. He has a unique insight into the process and any projects I bring him are always infinitely improved by the time we have finished. His grasp of story and structure is second to none. I have recommended his services to several colleagues in the past, all of whom have been very satisfied with the results.”<br />
- Michael Favelle<br />
International Sales Agent<br />
&lt;a href=&#8221;http://if.com.au/2009/01/05/article/MASDFBAVHW.html&#8221; target=&#8221;_blank&#8221;&gt;Top 10 Person to Watch in 2009&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/em&gt;</p>
<p>&lt;em&gt;“Karel Segers is Australia’s Robert McKee”<br />
– Stephen J De  Jager<br />
Creative Director, &lt;a href=&#8221;http://www.roadshow.com.au/Default.html&#8221; target=&#8221;_blank&#8221;&gt;Roadshow Entertainment&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/em&gt;<br />
&lt;div&gt;&lt;em&gt;&#8221;Karel I just finished watching &#8216;Die Hard&#8217; again with two weekends with you fresh in my mind and I also went and saw &#8216;State of Play&#8217; with Russell Crowe over the long weekend. AlI can say is &#8216;wow&#8217; &#8211; I analysed both of these films  using your screen play analysis methodology and was able to gain a new insight into why Hollywood films are so successful.  The &#8216;Heroes Journey&#8217; is so totally obvious and each of the events, crises and climaxes that you explain so clearly are there for all to see and they work! &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/div&gt;<br />
&lt;div&gt;&lt;em&gt;As an actor and film maker the &#8216;lights have gone on!&#8217; so to speak. I feel I can now assess any short or feature script in a totally new light and do so with great confidence thanks to your workshops and the methodology you teach.  I will be recommending your services to my film makers and screen writers network and hopefully I will be able to use you myself when I get some funding on future projects.&#8221;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/div&gt;<br />
&lt;div&gt;&lt;em&gt;-Graham Gall<br />
Actor/Director&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/div&gt;<br />
&lt;em&gt; &lt;/em&gt;</p>
<p>&lt;strong&gt;THE STORY DEPARTMENT &#8211; CONSULTANCY&lt;/strong&gt;</p>
<p>&lt;em&gt;&#8221;If you&#8217;re serious about scriptwriting, a consultation with Karel is invaluable. I had gone as far as I thought I could go with my script &#8211; Karel&#8217;s analysis gave me ideas I couldn&#8217;t see myself and set me on a new path towards writing the best script possible.&#8221;<br />
- Annie Cossins<br />
&lt;a href=&#8221;http://www.runningwiththeboys.com&#8221; target=&#8221;_blank&#8221;&gt; Writer/Producer&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/em&gt;</p>
<p>&#8220;I came to you with a bunch of scenes in the hope of finding a story and when I look back now at that very rough draft I&#8217;m still surprised at how far we have come.</p>
<p>You always brought such a clear and constructive perspective to our meetings, telephone conversations and even my boozy emails.</p>
<p>To be able to sit down and work one on one with you has helped me not only write this story, but to acquire skills that I&#8217;ll take to future projects.</p>
<p>I always left our meetings with not only a clearer understanding of my own writing, but with renewed energy and inspiration to push myself further. I can&#8217;t thank you enough for your time, patience, good humour and genuine enthusiasm you show for your craft.</p>
<p>Now I&#8217;m happy to report the script has won the 2007 Monte Miller award (just as we had planned). Thanks again Karel. I&#8217;ll get to work on another oddly thrown together bunch of characters and give you a call. I know you love a challenge. Cheers.&#8221;</p>
<p>&lt;strong&gt;-Nathan Fielding,<br />
&#8220;Little Things&#8221;,<br />
Winner Monte Miller Award 2007&lt;/strong&gt;<br />
________________________</p>
<p>&#8220;Karel has thoroughly analysed my script and synopsis and provided excellent advice. He draws on a vast fund of film knowledge and years of screenplay analysis.</p>
<p>Karel tactfully showed me the areas in my script where drama was lacking and provided insightful suggestions for improvements. By concentrating first on the synopsis he is able to find the strengths and weaknesses in the story structure. By taking Karel&#8217;s advice I found the character arcs and dialogue flowed naturally and logically and my script was a vast improvement on the original.</p>
<p>Karel&#8217;s advice is backed up with examples, and our discussions have ranged from &#8220;Schindler&#8217;s List&#8221; to &#8220;Toy Story&#8221;. Because he is a true film aficionado and a first class script analyst, Karel was able to bring the best out of my script. I strongly recommend Karel&#8217;s service to all script writers.&#8221;</p>
<p>&lt;strong&gt;-Jack Brislee,Chairman<br />
Australian Writers Guild<br />
NSW Associates Committee&lt;/strong&gt;<br />
________________________</p>
<p>&#8220;What Karel is offering is an essential first step in a successful script. Structure is everything. If you don&#8217;t have that right, your screenplay will never be green lighted. Karel&#8217;s service is unique and everything else, including a screenplay editor is &#8216;cart before the horse.&#8221;</p>
<p>&lt;strong&gt;-Anny Slater<br />
Award-winning Screenwriter<br />
Principal of Moondance Pictures&lt;/strong&gt;<br />
________________________</p>
<p>&#8220;Karel has provided excellent feedback on my screenplays. Always a &#8216;big picture&#8217; guy he never loses sight of the overall thrust of the story, the narrative truths and the importance of character and he never gets distracted with the little stuff that tends to fix itself when the important parts are working harmoniously.</p>
<p>I&#8217;ve always found Karel to be wonderfully enthusiastic and quick with feedback. He&#8217;s honest and pragmatic but he knows the story is yours and he doesn&#8217;t try to rewrite it the way some editors can become fixated with shaping the story the way they would tell it. He is a rare beast amongst story consultants &#8211; a film literate and long-standing aficionado of many film genres. I hold Karel in very high regard.&#8221;</p>
<p>&lt;strong&gt;-Kieran Galvin<br />
Writer / Director PUPPY<br />
Writer FEED&lt;/strong&gt;<br />
________________________</p>
<p>&#8220;Even after having had the script (5th draft) edited by my agent and the AWG service, you have been the first to really understand what I&#8217;m on about here. Not only did you make extremely insightful comments and suggestions, picking up structural shortcomings, you pointed me in a direction that hadn&#8217;t occurred to me: a love story rather than a routine crime movie, in which form it would have limited potential.&#8221;</p>
<p>&lt;strong&gt;- Andy Otes<br />
Professional Copywriter&lt;/strong&gt;<br />
________________________</p>
<p>&#8220;For the past two years I have been slaving away at my sci-fi screenplay that I was sure to sell to major producers. It had a great story line, amazing aliens and believable human characters. Confident of success, I submitted the opus to the NSW FTO&#8217;s New Writers&#8217; Scheme. Lo and behold, they had a lot of good things to say about the film, but someone else impressed them more, and I was left with my ego hanging out to dry.</p>
<p>A few months later I took my courage in hand and re-read the screenplay. It read great, it was moving, the turning points were believable &#8211; until I hit page 80. Even I could tell that the story died, right there and then. What to do?</p>
<p>Enter Karel Segers of Ozzywood Films and his incredible insights into story structure. After reading my synopsis, Karel gave me a detailed analysis of where the structure is deficient and why the story died exactly on page 80.</p>
<p>His analysis was along the same lines as the one from the NSWFTO, but he was more thorough and the face-to-face dialogue helped to pinpoint exactly the deficient elements of structure.</p>
<p>I am now sending my pitches to Hollywood and am delighted to have this opportunity to recommend Karel to anyone whose story structure needs a bit of TLC. Karel is definitely the doctor to consult.&#8221;</p>
<p>&lt;strong&gt;-Elizabeth Ban<br />
Writer / Journalist&lt;/strong&gt;<br />
________________________</p>
<p>&#8220;The service Karel provides is filled with thorough and honest feedback that genuinely helps to develop and construct a solid and refined story.</p>
<p>Coming with years of script analysis experience, Karel&#8217;s constant care and advice on the content of the story helped establish the timing of its events and the unfolding of its featured character arcs to their full potential.</p>
<p>Any writer would be a fool not to take unbiased, constructive comments that help them build a better, more powerful story. Karel&#8217;s understanding of film markets and production is an added bonus that helps the script become not only powerfully structured, but also audience friendly without losing its intent and integrity.</p>
<p>Reading back my initial, pre-consulted draft, I do not know where I would have been without this service to help make it the ripper of a story that it is now. Thank you for helping me become a better writer! I recommend anyone else out there trying to get their material seen to do the same.&#8221;</p>
<p>&lt;strong&gt;- Wojciech Wawrzyniak<br />
Writer/Director&lt;/strong&gt;<br />
________________________</p>
<p>&#8220;I write for the love of creating and telling original stories. The stories roll along with good characters and dialogue, with twists and turns, perhaps a hint of the supernatural or a smattering of comedic one liners, which is all well and good if you just want to write a story for your own entertainment. But, thanks to Karel, I realise that a good script, a great script, has to be more than that. His wealth of experience, understanding and intuitive feel for structure, coupled with a steady hand on his &#8216;script scalpel&#8217;, can reshape a good story into a structured script that continually drives the story forward which, as sure we&#8217;re all aware, is what a producer wants to see in a script.&#8221;</p>
<p>&lt;strong&gt;-Andy Hartley<br />
Writer&lt;/strong&gt;<br />
________________________</p>
<p>&#8220;My writing partner and I approached Karel with an outline for a Narrative Comedy we had been developing. Whilst we were happy with our work, we knew it had to be critiqued by a professional before we even thought about approaching funding bodies.</p>
<p>Karel effectively guided us on story structure and character development which gave us a great insight on how to improve our work. He was generous with his time and was a real pleasure to work with.</p>
<p>Thanks to his feedback, we now feel we have an even greater chance at succeeding in this competitive industry.&#8221;</p>
<p>&lt;strong&gt;-Christopher Kezelos<br />
Writer/Director<br />
Founder of Virtuactive&lt;/strong&gt;<br />
________________________</p>
<p>&#8220;I&#8217;d recommend Karel to anyone serious about screenwriting.</p>
<p>His clear, detailed and empathetic approach brought clarity and purpose to a story in need of his professional service.</p>
<p>You&#8217;d be doing yourself a big favour by contacting Karel with your synopsis before you sit down to write that 120 page dream. His skills just might save you considerable time and get you thinking outside the square.&#8221;</p>
<p>&lt;strong&gt;-Harry Gorry<br />
Screenwriter&lt;/strong&gt;<br />
________________________</p>
<p>&#8220;Thank you so much for the invaluable feedback you offered me today. I am thinking in new terms now and am excited that the stories will be reignited.<br />
I have to tell you that you are the first person to really attack the story but also offer suggestions for fixing it.&#8221;</p>
<p>&lt;strong&gt;-Megan Shields&lt;/strong&gt;<br />
________________________</p>
<p>&#8220;At first I was frustrated. I couldn&#8217;t see.<br />
I re-wrote the synopsis and ended up with 4 pages. I knew I didn&#8217;t have it.</p>
<p>Then tonight your words sank in.<br />
I forced myself to look at Rose through really honest eyes. And . . .?<br />
I love you I love you I love you!</p>
<p>I haven&#8217;t gone back to the synopsis.<br />
I don&#8217;t care right now. And I haven&#8217;t typed up what I wrote; it&#8217;s hand-written. I phoned my daughter who is the co-writer and she said &#8220;Mama, you&#8217;ve just written me.&#8221;</p>
<p>It&#8217;s the lonely way of artistic people in a banal world.</p>
<p>You were inspirational. Challenge does it for me every time.&#8221;</p>
<p>&lt;strong&gt;-Ly de Angeles<br />
Published Author<br />
www.lydeangeles.com&lt;/strong&gt;<br />
________________________</p>
<p>When was the last time you truly got value for money?</p>
<p>When did you last receive:</p>
<p>* Exceptional competence and diligence.<br />
* Honesty.<br />
* Quick and efficient turn-around service on all work.<br />
* Dynamic attention to all details.<br />
* Guidance of high calibre to improve your own writing style.<br />
* Talented editing.<br />
* Excellent value for money.</p>
<p>If you want all of the above, you cannot go wrong in contacting Karel Segers, a man who delivers! A man of his word, and a tremendous help to any writer who seeks excellence in script-writing or guidance to self-improvement.</p>
<p>I give Karel Segers my highest recommendation.</p>
<p>&lt;strong&gt;Steen Marcussen<br />
Author of<br />
&#8220;2000 Carats&#8221;<br />
&#8220;Africa Go Go&#8221;&lt;/strong&gt;<br />
________________________</p>
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		<pubDate>Sat, 29 Mar 2008 00:41:23 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Karel Segers</dc:creator>
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		<pubDate>Fri, 07 Mar 2008 08:16:09 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Karel Segers</dc:creator>
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		<category><![CDATA[Point of View]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[pov]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[protagonist]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[story]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[storytelling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The Inciting Incident]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Thelma & Louise]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[touch of evil]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[UNK]]></category>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">/exciting-coincidence/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[&#8220;A strong inciting incident is an event that happens to the protagonist, never an action by the protagonist&#8220;, I said. Then I asked you for exceptions, i.e. strong Inciting Incidents that are actions by the protagonist. Now have a look at the first three responses I received: 1.) THELMA &#38; LOUISE, 2.) PULP FICTION and [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://thestorydepartment.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/john1.jpg"><img class="alignleft size-full wp-image-237" title="Pulp Fiction" src="/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/john1.jpg" alt="" width="250" height="163" /></a><strong><em><span style="font-weight: bold; color: #336699;">&#8220;A strong inciting incident is an event that happens to the protagonist, never an action by</span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: #336699;"> the protagonist</span>&#8220;</em><span style="color: #336699;">, I said.</span></strong></p>
<p><strong><span style="color: #336699;">Then I asked you for exceptions, i.e. strong  Inciting Incidents that </span></strong><span style="color: #336699;">are <strong>actions by the protagonist.<br />
<a title="catalysts" name="catalysts"></a><br />
Now have a look at the first three responses I received: 1.) THELMA &amp; LOUISE, 2.) PULP FICTION and 3.) KING LEAR.</strong></span></p>
<p>Look at them again and see if you remember 1) who causes the inciting incident and 2)how does the character end in the story?</p>
<p>The answer is baffling.</p>
<p>1. Louise kills a man. The end: <span style="font-weight: bold">Louise dies</span>.<br />
2. Vincent kills Marvin. The end: <span style="font-weight: bold">Vincent dies</span>.<br />
3. King Lear excludes Cordelia. The end: <span style="font-weight: bold">King Lear dies.</span></p>
<p><strong>&#8220;If the protagonist triggers the story, he/she dies at the end of the story&#8221;.</strong></p>
<p>Story rule or rubbish?</p>
<p>Either way, for these three striking examples, Tom, Brett and Margaret each earned themselves three months <a href="http://thestorydepartment.com/"><span style="font-weight: bold">Premium Subscription</span></a>. Well done.<span style="font-weight: bold"><br />
</span><br />
<a href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_oLrUJV3TOrE/R-I6jEV8D_I/AAAAAAAACPA/GK37ZCDWRSs/s1600-h/chl.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5179766895565082610" style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_oLrUJV3TOrE/R-I6jEV8D_I/AAAAAAAACPA/GK37ZCDWRSs/s320/chl.JPG" border="0" alt="" /></a>Recently <a href="http://unknownscreenwriter.com/"><span style="font-weight: bold">UNK</span></a> blogged about Inciting Incident (another exciting coincidence: <span style="font-style: italic">one day earlier</span>, someone hit my web site using the key words <span style="font-style: italic">inciting incident definitions.</span>) and among his favourite I.I.&#8217;s he lists COOL HAND LUKE.</p>
<p>Here we go:</p>
<p>4. Luke cracks open parking meters. The end: <span style="font-weight: bold">Luke dies.</span></p>
<p>OK. It is getting quite convincing now, if you ask me. Does it mean that EACH TIME a protagonist incites the story, we have a down ending? Probably not. Perhaps the readers of this blog just have a slight predilection for somber movies. ;)</p>
<p>Anyhow, I found the examples you sent to me striking.</p>
<p>Here are some more exceptions to the <span style="font-style: italic">&#8220;event-not-action&#8221;</span> rule I received later:<br />
<span style="font-size: 100%"><span style="font-family: georgia;">- Simon: </span></span><span style="font-style: italic; font-size: 100%"><span style="font-family: georgia;">&#8220;</span></span><span style="font-style: italic">Not my kind of thing really, but what about Ferris Bueller&#8217;s Day Off?</span><span style="font-style: italic; font-size: 100%"><span style="font-family: georgia;">&#8221;<br />
</span></span>- Simon D.: <span style="font-style: italic">&#8220;What about any story where the protagonist activates something, like the  Princess and the Frog in the pond, Pandora&#8217;s Box etc&#8221;<br />
</span>- Jim: <span style="font-style: italic">&#8220;If Russell Crowe is the Protagonist in &#8216;Yuma&#8217;, then it happens in that.&#8221;</span><br />
- Chris: <span style="font-style: italic">&#8220;3 Movies that the protagonist is responsible for the inciting  incident: Scarface, June, O Brother Where Art Thou.&#8221;</span><br />
- Robert: <span style="font-style: italic">&#8220;Chow Yun Fat&#8217;s Hitman character accidentally blinds a girl during a hit on a  triad boss that he is carrying out.  Therefore he himself sets in motion the  &#8220;inciting incident&#8221; and for the rest of the film sets out to redeem himself and  possibly help the bling girl regain her eyesight by doing more &#8220;hits&#8221; to pay for  the operation!&#8221;</span></p>
<p><span>Thank you all! It was a great exercise.<br />
</span><span style="font-style: italic"><br />
<a title="start" name="start"></a><br />
</span><span style="font-weight: bold">WHERE TO START</span></p>
<p><a href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_oLrUJV3TOrE/R-I1bEV8D6I/AAAAAAAACOY/UaC0bUaV7fM/s1600-h/pile_of_books.gif" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5179761260567990178" style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 162px; height: 145px" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_oLrUJV3TOrE/R-I1bEV8D6I/AAAAAAAACOY/UaC0bUaV7fM/s320/pile_of_books.gif" border="0" alt="" /></a><span style="font-size: 85%">As to screenwriting theory, there are so many sources of conflicting advice it is difficult to know who to  listen to. Each new piece of advice can be as convincing as the one that came  before it. What should you do?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 85%">How do you choose who to listen to?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 85%">Do you take the word of</span></p>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: 85%">the most influential, </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 85%">the most popular, </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 85%">the most convincing, </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 85%">the loudest, </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 85%">the most confident, </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 85%">or maybe what they perceive to be the safest. </span></li>
</ul>
<p><span style="font-size: 85%">As a person who dishes out daily doses of advice I am as guilty as anyone out  there who tries to offer opinions of what you &#8216;should&#8217; do.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 85%">The fact is, at worst people do not have any idea what will work for you, and  at best they can only rely on their own experience. Certainly I give you the  benefit of what I have learned through my work, but you still have to work out  what will work for <em>you</em>.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 85%">I am still learning, things still take me by surprise. You may have read me  say before, I am of the opinion you can learn something from every person you  meet. Your job is to not blindly accept what you are told but collate it,  cogitate on it and apply it in your own unique way.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 85%">Work out the approaches that suit you best, that fit what you are trying to  achieve and how. Which stories resonate with you, and enthuse you, separate out  those that leave you cold.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 85%">You can never take the same journey twice, your journey is yours and  yours alone, but you can learn about possible pot holes and beauty trails from  people who have traveled a similar path before you.</span></p>
<p>Here I have to confess something: all the above (except the first four words &#8220;As to screenwriting theory&#8221;) was taken literally from <a href="http://www.chrisg.com/"><span style="font-weight: bold">Chris Garrett&#8217;s blog on blogging</span></a>. When I read it, I found it so completely true for pretty much any field of learning, including ours.</p>
<p>My own little piece of advice on where to start learning?</p>
<p>Just write, every day, undisturbed by what you learn or what people say. While you are doing so, go through the list below. And take your time.</p>
<p>1. Read McKee&#8217;s STORY, or better: listen to the audio book. You won&#8217;t learn too much about the craft, but you&#8217;ll get a feel for what you&#8217;re in for. If you have less time and you want to be fashionable, read Blake Snyder&#8217;s SAVE THE CAT.</p>
<p>2. Take a craft workshop. <a href="http://thestorydepartment.com/story-sydney"><span style="font-weight: bold">Mine</span></a>, <a href="http://screenplaymastery.com/"><span style="font-weight: bold">Hauge&#8217;s</span></a> or <a href="http://truby.com/"><span style="font-weight: bold">John Truby&#8217;s</span></a>. Read the stuff they have published.</p>
<p>3. Watch movies a second time to break them down into acts, sequences and plot points. Dozens of them, until you start seeing the light.</p>
<p>4. Carefully choose a story consultant you can trust and you like to work with. You will continue to learn, but now specifically about your own strengths and weaknesses.</p>
<p>At this point, you will have found your vision and direction. You will see which of the <span style="font-style: italic">savants</span> out there fall within your view on storytelling. Read their books, join their seminars.</p>
<p>Finally, you are on your own, confidently.</p>
<p>And while you just continue writing, your craft will improve, and improve, and improve&#8230;<br />
<a title="confidentiality" name="confidentiality"></a></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: bold">CONFIDENTIALITY KILLED THE CAT</span></p>
<p>My apologies if you were re-directed here from the newsletter. The article will be re-published at a later stage.<br />
<a title="hauge" name="hauge"></a></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: bold">WHERE ARE YOU GOING? YOU AND YOUR HERO?</span></p>
<p><a href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_oLrUJV3TOrE/R-JOX0V8EAI/AAAAAAAACPI/WkvIXDwvp3w/s1600-h/michael.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5179788692524109826" style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 156px; height: 112px" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_oLrUJV3TOrE/R-JOX0V8EAI/AAAAAAAACPI/WkvIXDwvp3w/s320/michael.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a>It has been the core of my consultancy and teaching: the protagonist needs a <span style="font-style: italic">clear and present desire</span>.</p>
<p>Nothing new, though, Michael Hauge has been teaching this for much longer. In the context of Michael&#8217;s visit to Australia in two months, I interviewed him and the full text will soon be available to my clients and for subscribers of The Story Dept. Here&#8217;s an excerpt:</p>
<blockquote><p><strong><em>Karel</em></strong><em>: Two problems I often find in screenplays by inexperienced writers are 1) the choice of protagonist and 2) the key qualities of the protagonist. Would you mind giving us an insight?</em></p>
<p><strong><em>Michael:</em></strong><em> </em>In almost every case where the problem <em>seems </em>to be choosing the wrong protagonist, the writer isn&#8217;t clear about what the story <em>concept </em>is, about what the hero&#8217;s <em>visible goal</em> is.</p>
<p><span style="color: gray;"><span style="color: #000000;">In other words: if the writer is operating under the belief that they just need to portray characters and show them going through a situation in their life and let&#8217;s see what happens, then </span><em style="color: #000000">that</em><span style="color: #000000;">&#8216;s the quicksand they have stepped into. Because movies are about heroes who are pursuing specific </span><em style="color: #000000">visible </em><span style="color: #000000;">goals.</span></span></p>
<p>It is about stopping the serial killer, about escaping from the panic room or from N.Y. or from Alcatraz, about winning the love of another person or winning an athletic competition. Or it&#8217;s about getting the buried treasure. But the goal must be <em>specific</em>, must be <em>visible</em>, must have a <em>clearly defined end point</em>.</p></blockquote>
<p>The first <a href="http://thestorydepartment.com/michael-hauge-1"><span style="font-weight: bold">part of the full interview</span></a> is now online on the <a href="http://thestorydepartment.com/"><span style="font-weight: bold">Premium Ed.</span></a> As usual, it will be visible for a few days only. After that you will need a subscription to see it. Part two and three will follow over the next few days, as well as a podcast (audio) version of the telephone interview.<br />
<a title="ratatouille" name="ratatouille"></a></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: bold">NO POV, NO PLAY</span></p>
<p>The RATATOUILLE DVD shows has 1 (one) deleted scene. It is a long, uninterrupted travel from a wide establishing shot of the Paris skyline down to street level, through the Auguste Gusteau restaurant and ending on Remi, our hero.</p>
<p>The shot could have been spectacular, reminding of the opening shot of TOUCH OF EVIL and its pastiche in THE PLAYER.</p>
<p>Brad Bird&#8217;s commentary talks about the reason why it was cut and it is simply: <span style="font-style: italic">Point of View</span>.</p>
<blockquote><p><a title="ego.JPG" href="http://thestorydepartment.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/ego.JPG"><img src="/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/ego.JPG" alt="ego.JPG" /></a>The natural question that would occur is <em>&#8220;Why would you cut this spectacular shot?&#8221;</em>,   because it is obviously great. <em>&#8220;I want to see <strong>that </strong>film!&#8221;</em> Well, I feel that way, too.</p>
<p>The problem, once you get passed the initial sort of rush of seeing this very elaborate shot that shows you a lot of different things in one shot and very impressively, is that <span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold">it is no character&#8217;s point of view</span>.</p>
<p>It is just a sort of God-like shot where you&#8217;re presented this whole world and it is spectacular and there have been many  fine shots like that &#8211; Touch of Evil being one &#8211; that were great but I felt that this is Remi&#8217;s movie and it needed to be Remi&#8217;s perspective.</p>
<p>And I want to know the emotions that lead up to Remi looking into the kitchen. I don&#8217;t just want it laid on a platter,  you know, just cut to Darth going <span style="font-style: italic">&#8220;You&#8217;re my son, Luke.&#8221;</span></p>
<p>We should be with Remi when he has that moment. We should know how he is experiencing it and what is he feeling when he is experiencing it. And you kind of aren&#8217;t, this way.</p>
<p>It did lay everything out, but I don&#8217;t think that it took the audience with it.</p>
<p align="right"><em>-Brad Bird</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Brad Bird&#8217;s reasoning confirms what I have written about &#8216;omniscient POV&#8217;: it is weak, or worse, it doesn&#8217;t work.</p>
<p>Movies are inherently about empathising, even <em>identifying</em> with characters.</p>
<p>When you step out of the protagonist&#8217;s POV, it should be to shift to another POV, <span style="font-style: italic">never to take an omniscient POV</span>.</p>
<p>Omniscient POV is devoid of emotion.</p>
<p>Read some more about Point of View <a href="http://thestorydepartment.com/point-of-view/"><span style="font-weight: bold">here</span></a>.
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		<title>Testimonials</title>
		<link>http://thestorydepartment.com/the-team/about-me/testimonials/</link>
		<comments>http://thestorydepartment.com/the-team/about-me/testimonials/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 26 Jan 2008 08:43:41 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Karel Segers</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Stuff]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[AWG]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[character]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[character arc]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[character development]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[dialogue]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[direction]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[love story]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[outline]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Pitching & Selling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[robert mckee]]></category>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://testimonials/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[THE STORY DEPARTMENT &#8211; COURSES “Karel Segers brilliantly conveys the best of what is currently understood about effective story telling for the cinema. His method of teaching is highly responsive, vividly supported by carefully selected visuals, and, best of all, witty and memorable.” -Ron Cobb Concept Artist, Writer, Director &#8220;AlI can say is &#8216;wow&#8217; &#8211; [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><strong>THE STORY DEPARTMENT &#8211; COURSES</strong></p>
<p><em>“Karel Segers brilliantly conveys the best of what is currently understood about effective story telling for the cinema. His method of teaching is highly responsive, vividly supported by carefully selected visuals, and, best of all, witty and memorable.”<br />
-Ron Cobb<br />
<a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0167803/" target="_blank">Concept Artist, Writer, Director</a></em></p>
<div><em>&#8220;AlI can say is &#8216;wow&#8217; &#8211; I was able to gain a new insight into why Hollywood films are so successful.  As an actor and film maker the &#8216;lights have gone on!&#8217; so to speak. I feel I can now assess any short or feature script in a totally new light and do so with great confidence thanks to your workshops and the methodology you teach.  I will be recommending your services to my film makers and screen writers network.&#8221;</em></div>
<div><em>-Graham Gall<br />
Actor/Director<br />
</em></div>
<p><em>“I attended a course of Karel&#8217;s in 2007 and two years later the details of what I learned have stayed with me. I catch myself automatically observing films and reading books using the critical tools I learned from Karel, and most importantly &#8211; how a story could be improved.”<br />
-Marcus Amann<br />
<a href="http://writequickly.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Professional Writer</a></em></p>
<p><em>“I enjoyed the day enormously and thought you were just wonderful. My  knowledge and understanding of films was expanded enormously, and many things I  understood instinctively but had never heard articulated about the art of  storytelling were nailed firmly in place.<br />
It was fantastic!”<br />
-Kate  Forsyth<br />
<a href="http://www.kateforsyth.com.au/" target="_blank">Best-selling Author ‘Witches of Eileanan’</a></em></p>
<p><em>“Karel is the new breed of Teachers who not only conveys the technicality  so effortlessly, but makes you want to write your story. He is passionate,  focused and he knows his stuff. Karel you Rock, dude!”<br />
-Gerard  John<br />
Producer / Entrepreneur</em></p>
<p><em>“I came to you with a bunch of scenes in the hope of finding a story and  when I look back I’m still surprised at how far we have come. Now the script has  won the 2007 Monte Miller award. Thanks again Karel.”<br />
-Nathan  Fielding<br />
<a href="http://www.awg.com.au/artman/publish/article_450.shtml" target="_blank">Winner 2007 AWG Monte Miller Award</a></em></p>
<p><em>“He never gets distracted with the little stuff  that tends to fix itself when the important parts are working harmoniously.  Karel is a rare beast amongst story consultants &#8211; a film literate and  long-standing aficionado of many film genres. I hold Karel in very high  regard.”<br />
-Kieran Galvin<br />
<a href="http://www.kierangalvin.com/" target="_blank">Film Director / Screenwriter</a></em></p>
<p><em>“Karel is my go-to guy for Script Development and/or assessment. He has a unique insight into the process and any projects I bring him are always infinitely improved by the time we have finished. His grasp of story and structure is second to none. I have recommended his services to several colleagues in the past, all of whom have been very satisfied with the results.”<br />
- Michael Favelle<br />
International Sales Agent<br />
<a href="http://if.com.au/2009/01/05/article/MASDFBAVHW.html" target="_blank">Top 10 Person to Watch in 2009</a></em></p>
<p><em>“Karel Segers is Australia’s Robert McKee”<br />
– Stephen J De  Jager<br />
Creative Director, <a href="http://www.roadshow.com.au/Default.html" target="_blank">Roadshow Entertainment</a></em></p>
<div><em>&#8220;Karel I just finished watching &#8216;Die Hard&#8217; again with two weekends with you fresh in my mind and I also went and saw &#8216;State of Play&#8217; with Russell Crowe over the long weekend. AlI can say is &#8216;wow&#8217; &#8211; I analysed both of these films  using your screen play analysis methodology and was able to gain a new insight into why Hollywood films are so successful.  The &#8216;Heroes Journey&#8217; is so totally obvious and each of the events, crises and climaxes that you explain so clearly are there for all to see and they work! </em></div>
<div><em>As an actor and film maker the &#8216;lights have gone on!&#8217; so to speak. I feel I can now assess any short or feature script in a totally new light and do so with great confidence thanks to your workshops and the methodology you teach.  I will be recommending your services to my film makers and screen writers network and hopefully I will be able to use you myself when I get some funding on future projects.&#8221;</em></div>
<div><em>-Graham Gall<br />
Actor/Director</em></div>
<p><em> </em></p>
<p><strong>THE STORY DEPARTMENT &#8211; CONSULTANCY</strong></p>
<p><em>&#8220;If you&#8217;re serious about scriptwriting, a consultation with Karel is invaluable. I had gone as far as I thought I could go with my script &#8211; Karel&#8217;s analysis gave me ideas I couldn&#8217;t see myself and set me on a new path towards writing the best script possible.&#8221;<br />
- Annie Cossins<br />
<a href="http://www.runningwiththeboys.com" target="_blank"> Writer/Producer</a></em></p>
<p>&#8220;I came to you with a bunch of scenes in the hope of finding a story and when I look back now at that very rough draft I&#8217;m still surprised at how far we have come.</p>
<p>You always brought such a clear and constructive perspective to our meetings, telephone conversations and even my boozy emails.</p>
<p>To be able to sit down and work one on one with you has helped me not only write this story, but to acquire skills that I&#8217;ll take to future projects.</p>
<p>I always left our meetings with not only a clearer understanding of my own writing, but with renewed energy and inspiration to push myself further. I can&#8217;t thank you enough for your time, patience, good humour and genuine enthusiasm you show for your craft.</p>
<p>Now I&#8217;m happy to report the script has won the 2007 Monte Miller award (just as we had planned). Thanks again Karel. I&#8217;ll get to work on another oddly thrown together bunch of characters and give you a call. I know you love a challenge. Cheers.&#8221;</p>
<p><strong>-Nathan Fielding,<br />
&#8220;Little Things&#8221;,<br />
Winner Monte Miller Award 2007</strong><br />
________________________</p>
<p>&#8220;Karel has thoroughly analysed my script and synopsis and provided excellent advice. He draws on a vast fund of film knowledge and years of screenplay analysis.</p>
<p>Karel tactfully showed me the areas in my script where drama was lacking and provided insightful suggestions for improvements. By concentrating first on the synopsis he is able to find the strengths and weaknesses in the story structure. By taking Karel&#8217;s advice I found the character arcs and dialogue flowed naturally and logically and my script was a vast improvement on the original.</p>
<p>Karel&#8217;s advice is backed up with examples, and our discussions have ranged from &#8220;Schindler&#8217;s List&#8221; to &#8220;Toy Story&#8221;. Because he is a true film aficionado and a first class script analyst, Karel was able to bring the best out of my script. I strongly recommend Karel&#8217;s service to all script writers.&#8221;</p>
<p><strong>-Jack Brislee,Chairman<br />
Australian Writers Guild<br />
NSW Associates Committee</strong><br />
________________________</p>
<p>&#8220;What Karel is offering is an essential first step in a successful script. Structure is everything. If you don&#8217;t have that right, your screenplay will never be green lighted. Karel&#8217;s service is unique and everything else, including a screenplay editor is &#8216;cart before the horse.&#8221;</p>
<p><strong>-Anny Slater<br />
Award-winning Screenwriter<br />
Principal of Moondance Pictures</strong><br />
________________________</p>
<p>&#8220;Karel has provided excellent feedback on my screenplays. Always a &#8216;big picture&#8217; guy he never loses sight of the overall thrust of the story, the narrative truths and the importance of character and he never gets distracted with the little stuff that tends to fix itself when the important parts are working harmoniously.</p>
<p>I&#8217;ve always found Karel to be wonderfully enthusiastic and quick with feedback. He&#8217;s honest and pragmatic but he knows the story is yours and he doesn&#8217;t try to rewrite it the way some editors can become fixated with shaping the story the way they would tell it. He is a rare beast amongst story consultants &#8211; a film literate and long-standing aficionado of many film genres. I hold Karel in very high regard.&#8221;</p>
<p><strong>-Kieran Galvin<br />
Writer / Director PUPPY<br />
Writer FEED</strong><br />
________________________</p>
<p>&#8220;Even after having had the script (5th draft) edited by my agent and the AWG service, you have been the first to really understand what I&#8217;m on about here. Not only did you make extremely insightful comments and suggestions, picking up structural shortcomings, you pointed me in a direction that hadn&#8217;t occurred to me: a love story rather than a routine crime movie, in which form it would have limited potential.&#8221;</p>
<p><strong>- Andy Otes<br />
Professional Copywriter</strong><br />
________________________</p>
<p>&#8220;For the past two years I have been slaving away at my sci-fi screenplay that I was sure to sell to major producers. It had a great story line, amazing aliens and believable human characters. Confident of success, I submitted the opus to the NSW FTO&#8217;s New Writers&#8217; Scheme. Lo and behold, they had a lot of good things to say about the film, but someone else impressed them more, and I was left with my ego hanging out to dry.</p>
<p>A few months later I took my courage in hand and re-read the screenplay. It read great, it was moving, the turning points were believable &#8211; until I hit page 80. Even I could tell that the story died, right there and then. What to do?</p>
<p>Enter Karel Segers of Ozzywood Films and his incredible insights into story structure. After reading my synopsis, Karel gave me a detailed analysis of where the structure is deficient and why the story died exactly on page 80.</p>
<p>His analysis was along the same lines as the one from the NSWFTO, but he was more thorough and the face-to-face dialogue helped to pinpoint exactly the deficient elements of structure.</p>
<p>I am now sending my pitches to Hollywood and am delighted to have this opportunity to recommend Karel to anyone whose story structure needs a bit of TLC. Karel is definitely the doctor to consult.&#8221;</p>
<p><strong>-Elizabeth Ban<br />
Writer / Journalist</strong><br />
________________________</p>
<p>&#8220;The service Karel provides is filled with thorough and honest feedback that genuinely helps to develop and construct a solid and refined story.</p>
<p>Coming with years of script analysis experience, Karel&#8217;s constant care and advice on the content of the story helped establish the timing of its events and the unfolding of its featured character arcs to their full potential.</p>
<p>Any writer would be a fool not to take unbiased, constructive comments that help them build a better, more powerful story. Karel&#8217;s understanding of film markets and production is an added bonus that helps the script become not only powerfully structured, but also audience friendly without losing its intent and integrity.</p>
<p>Reading back my initial, pre-consulted draft, I do not know where I would have been without this service to help make it the ripper of a story that it is now. Thank you for helping me become a better writer! I recommend anyone else out there trying to get their material seen to do the same.&#8221;</p>
<p><strong>- Wojciech Wawrzyniak<br />
Writer/Director</strong><br />
________________________</p>
<p>&#8220;I write for the love of creating and telling original stories. The stories roll along with good characters and dialogue, with twists and turns, perhaps a hint of the supernatural or a smattering of comedic one liners, which is all well and good if you just want to write a story for your own entertainment. But, thanks to Karel, I realise that a good script, a great script, has to be more than that. His wealth of experience, understanding and intuitive feel for structure, coupled with a steady hand on his &#8216;script scalpel&#8217;, can reshape a good story into a structured script that continually drives the story forward which, as sure we&#8217;re all aware, is what a producer wants to see in a script.&#8221;</p>
<p><strong>-Andy Hartley<br />
Writer</strong><br />
________________________</p>
<p>&#8220;My writing partner and I approached Karel with an outline for a Narrative Comedy we had been developing. Whilst we were happy with our work, we knew it had to be critiqued by a professional before we even thought about approaching funding bodies.</p>
<p>Karel effectively guided us on story structure and character development which gave us a great insight on how to improve our work. He was generous with his time and was a real pleasure to work with.</p>
<p>Thanks to his feedback, we now feel we have an even greater chance at succeeding in this competitive industry.&#8221;</p>
<p><strong>-Christopher Kezelos<br />
Writer/Director<br />
Founder of Virtuactive</strong><br />
________________________</p>
<p>&#8220;I&#8217;d recommend Karel to anyone serious about screenwriting.</p>
<p>His clear, detailed and empathetic approach brought clarity and purpose to a story in need of his professional service.</p>
<p>You&#8217;d be doing yourself a big favour by contacting Karel with your synopsis before you sit down to write that 120 page dream. His skills just might save you considerable time and get you thinking outside the square.&#8221;</p>
<p><strong>-Harry Gorry<br />
Screenwriter</strong><br />
________________________</p>
<p>&#8220;Thank you so much for the invaluable feedback you offered me today. I am thinking in new terms now and am excited that the stories will be reignited.<br />
I have to tell you that you are the first person to really attack the story but also offer suggestions for fixing it.&#8221;</p>
<p><strong>-Megan Shields</strong><br />
________________________</p>
<p>&#8220;At first I was frustrated. I couldn&#8217;t see.<br />
I re-wrote the synopsis and ended up with 4 pages. I knew I didn&#8217;t have it.</p>
<p>Then tonight your words sank in.<br />
I forced myself to look at Rose through really honest eyes. And . . .?<br />
I love you I love you I love you!</p>
<p>I haven&#8217;t gone back to the synopsis.<br />
I don&#8217;t care right now. And I haven&#8217;t typed up what I wrote; it&#8217;s hand-written. I phoned my daughter who is the co-writer and she said &#8220;Mama, you&#8217;ve just written me.&#8221;</p>
<p>It&#8217;s the lonely way of artistic people in a banal world.</p>
<p>You were inspirational. Challenge does it for me every time.&#8221;</p>
<p><strong>-Ly de Angeles<br />
Published Author<br />
www.lydeangeles.com</strong><br />
________________________</p>
<p>When was the last time you truly got value for money?</p>
<p>When did you last receive:</p>
<p>* Exceptional competence and diligence.<br />
* Honesty.<br />
* Quick and efficient turn-around service on all work.<br />
* Dynamic attention to all details.<br />
* Guidance of high calibre to improve your own writing style.<br />
* Talented editing.<br />
* Excellent value for money.</p>
<p>If you want all of the above, you cannot go wrong in contacting Karel Segers, a man who delivers! A man of his word, and a tremendous help to any writer who seeks excellence in script-writing or guidance to self-improvement.</p>
<p>I give Karel Segers my highest recommendation.</p>
<p><strong>Steen Marcussen<br />
Author of<br />
&#8220;2000 Carats&#8221;<br />
&#8220;Africa Go Go&#8221;</strong><br />
________________________
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		<title>The Secret</title>
		<link>http://thestorydepartment.com/secret/</link>
		<comments>http://thestorydepartment.com/secret/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 07 Jan 2008 10:20:41 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Karel Segers</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[3-act structure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[act structure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[AWG]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[billy stoneking]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[consultancy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cronenberg]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[david cronenberg]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[existenz]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[format]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[hero]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[hero's journey]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mckee]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Pitching & Selling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[protagonist]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[robert mckee]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[roger ebert]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[screenwriting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[script]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[story]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[story structure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[the matrix]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[UNK]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[william goldman]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[workshop]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[workshops]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://secret/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[While you were out celebrating New Year&#8217;s Eve, I was watching David Cronenberg&#8217;s eXistenZ on DVD. Not that I&#8217;m such a pathetic hermit; it was just my wife&#8217;s fun idea of closing the Old Year. She admitted afterwards she might have been wrong. Missing the Sydney Fireworks and all that. Meanwhile, the Story Dept. has [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_oLrUJV3TOrE/R4C_H_RzFSI/AAAAAAAAB5E/A9cvKTnuo_E/s1600-h/8.JPG"><img src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_oLrUJV3TOrE/R4C_H_RzFSI/AAAAAAAAB5E/A9cvKTnuo_E/s320/8.JPG" style="margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px; float: left" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5152328117677921570" border="0" height="110" width="206" /></a><font style="color: #336699"><strong>While you were out celebrating New Year&#8217;s Eve, I was watching David Cronenberg&#8217;s </strong><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120907/"><strong>eXistenZ</strong></a><strong> on DVD. Not that I&#8217;m such a pathetic hermit; it was just my wife&#8217;s fun idea of closing the Old Year. She admitted afterwards she might have been wrong. Missing the Sydney Fireworks and all that. </strong></font></p>
<p>Meanwhile, the Story Dept. has entered its third calendar year, offering <a href="workshops">workshops</a>, one-on-one <a href="http://ozzywood.com/services">consultancy</a> PLUS a <a href="http://ozzywood.com/premium">Premium Version</a> of this blog, exclusive to clients and<br />
subscribers. The Hero&#8217;s Journey continues, the obsession grows.
</p>
<p>
THE HERO&#8217;S SECRET</p>
<p><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120907/" target="_blank"><img src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_oLrUJV3TOrE/R4LOcvRzFaI/AAAAAAAAB6I/96mc4uUJb7k/s320/existenz.jpg" alt="eXistenZ" height="132" width="100" /><strong>eXistenZ</strong></a>, named after a fictitious virtual reality video game, was released around the same time as THE MATRIX; the timing having been an excuse for its poor performance. I was surprised to see Roger Ebert&#8217;s review not really giving us any critical assessment of the film; all he says is:<font style="font-style: italic">&#8220;eXistenZ&#8217; is likely to appeal especially to computer game players&#8221;</font>. He probably means: <em>&#8220;It sucked but I don&#8217;t know why.&#8221;</em></p>
<p>The film remains original and entertaining but I believe the end holds a crucial mistake as it turns out our heroes have been keeping a secret from us. This goes directly against a key principle of writing for the screen: a protagonist must share with us their knowledge and emotions.</p>
<p>In the <a href="http://ozzywood.com/premium">Premium Edition</a> (see also below) I will look at a few more examples of heroes who are ruining box office prospects by withholding information or being unreliable for other reasons.<br />
THE WRITER&#8217;S SECRET</p>
<p><a href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_oLrUJV3TOrE/R4BMWvRzFQI/AAAAAAAAB40/fWDk5KBC3YY/s1600-h/secret.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_oLrUJV3TOrE/R4BMWvRzFQI/AAAAAAAAB40/fWDk5KBC3YY/s320/secret.jpg" style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; width: 112px; cursor: pointer; height: 134px" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5152201927243797762" border="0" /></a>When I asked one of my most loyal clients for a testimonial, he refused. I was baffled. <em>&#8220;Karel,&#8221;</em> he said, <em>&#8220;if you knew where the gold was buried, would you go and tell everyone?&#8221;</em> At first I thought that was a lame excuse, but then I had no reason NOT to believe him. He is a film industry professional who always puts his money where his mouth is. He is continuing our collaboration throughout 2008. But I&#8217;m not allowed to tell anybody.</p>
<p>My Unknown Client says about the story theory I&#8217;m teaching and applying during my consultancies <em>&#8220;it&#8217;s the film industry&#8217;s best kept secret.&#8221;</em> In many ways, he is right. Despite the title of Robert McKee&#8217;s bestselling screenwriting manual &#8216;STORY&#8217;, he only dedicates a relatively brief section to the principles of  story structure. Many screenwriting manuals do <em>mention </em>the three-act structure but forget to explain <em><strong>why</strong></em> it works and <em><strong>why</strong></em> it is successful. Without a proper foundation, the 3-act structure remains dead theory.</p>
<p>Some people say Australian film schools are gravely deficient in the area of structure and if I am to believe my clients, many AWG script assessors tend to barely brush over it, too. In <a href="http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,22995224-15803,00.html" target="_blank">an article in The Australian</a> last week, Joan Sauers, Billy Stoneking and Duncan Thompson blamed Australian scripts. Again. And again they forgot to mention what William Goldman said: <em>&#8220;Story is structure&#8221;
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		<title>Development in One, Two, Three</title>
		<link>http://thestorydepartment.com/one-two-three/</link>
		<comments>http://thestorydepartment.com/one-two-three/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 03 Dec 2007 11:58:39 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Karel Segers</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[actors]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[consultancy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[direction]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[first draft]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[outline]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Pitching & Selling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[scene]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[screenplay]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[script]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[step outline]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[story]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[story consultancy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[story development]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[synopsis]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://one-two-three/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Story Development is a process. I know that and you know that. But sometimes factors of time and budget allow you to only move forward step by step. In that case I have the following individual services for you, depending on the stage of your development. 1. STAGE ONE ($99) - story + text analysis [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Story Development is a process. I know that and you know that. But sometimes factors of time and budget allow you to only move forward step by step. In that case I have the following individual services for you, depending on the stage of your development.</p>
<p align="left"><span style="color: #336699"><strong>1. STAGE ONE ($99)</strong></span><br />
- story + text analysis of the synopsis.<br />
- written notes + 1 hour tele-conference.</p>
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<input name="cmd" value="_xclick" type="hidden" />
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<h6 align="left"><span style="color: #336699">                  Pay AUD$99<br />
(incl. GST)</span></h6>
<p>At the conceptual stage, this service helps you determine the strengths and weaknesses of your story or story idea.</p>
<p>At a later draft stage, this service helps you to make sure you are selling your story in the best possible way, to producers, potential investors or government agencies.</p>
<p><span style="color: #336699">______________________________________________________ </span></p>
<p align="left"><span style="color: #336699"><strong>2. STAGE TWO ($389)</strong></span></p>
<p> &#8211; story analysis based on the step outline.<br />
- written notes + up to 3hs consultation.</p>
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<h6><span style="color: #336699">                  Pay AUD$389<br />
(incl. GST)</span></h6>
<p>This is the most powerful development stage, as it works on the story level, yet lays the foundations for the scenes to be (re-)written.</p>
<p>The step outline session can be taken after the conceptual stage, to test if you are heading the right direction with the plot, even before writing a single scene.</p>
<p>Once past the first draft, this stage will strip the flesh from your script and test the strength of its skeletal story.</p>
<p>When you take the consultancy for the first time, I will give you guidelines on how to prepare for the session.</p>
<p>Every professional writer will tell you you will have to go through this stage numerous times before confidently moving to the screenplay stage. Inquire about a development plan that includes a number of Stage Two session, so you can benefit from the loyalty discount.</p>
<p><span style="color: #336699">______________________________________________________ </span><span style="color: #336699"></span></p>
<p><span style="color: #336699"><strong>3. STAGE THREE ($489)</strong></span><br />
- full draft script notes, prioritising areas of major concern.<br />
- up to one hour discussion.</p>
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<h6><span style="color: #336699" type="color:#336699">                  Pay AUD$489<br />
(incl. GST)<br />
______________________________________________________ </span></h6>
<p>To use a different payment method, visit the <a href="payments">payments page.</a>
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		<title>About me</title>
		<link>http://thestorydepartment.com/the-team/about-me/</link>
		<comments>http://thestorydepartment.com/the-team/about-me/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 19 Oct 2007 14:52:06 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Karel Segers</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Stuff]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[admin]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[AWG]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[blogging]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[consultancy]]></category>
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		<description><![CDATA[The Story Dept. was founded by OZZYWOOD Films Producer and Story Analyst Karel Segers, a Licentiate of Germanic Philology (that&#8217;s literature and linguistics). Before I moved to Sydney in 2001, I headed Production, Programming and Acquisitions at the Digital Broadcasting Company (DBC) in London, I was a film buyer for Europe&#8217;s largest pay-tv group Canal [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<h4><a href="http://thestorydepartment.com/consultancy/"><img class="alignleft" src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2803/4223338427_bea0404af5.jpg" alt="Karel Segers" width="200" height="200" /></a>The Story Dept. was founded by <a href="http://ozzywood.com">OZZYWOOD Films</a> Producer and Story Analyst Karel Segers, a Licentiate of Germanic Philology (that&#8217;s literature and linguistics).</h4>
<p>Before I moved to Sydney in 2001, I headed Production, Programming and Acquisitions at the Digital Broadcasting Company (DBC) in London, I was a film buyer for Europe&#8217;s largest pay-tv group <a href="http://www.canalplus.fr" target="_blank">Canal Plus</a> and a movie show host for <a href="http://www.mtv.com" target="_blank">MTV Europe</a>.  I started my career in the late eighties producing top rating radio shows in Belgium, my country of birth.</p>
<p>Since moving to Australia, I have produced three short films, co-produced two documentaries and two feature films.  Alongside my production work, I have always enjoyed blogging, <a href="http://thestorydepartment.com/workshops">teaching</a> and <a href="consultancy">consulting.</a> My clients have been writers, directors and producers and a few of them have won some cool awards. They&#8217;ve each told me they wouldn&#8217;t have won without my help. (I only take on very kind clients.)</p>
<p>My work as a Producer, Co-Producer and Exec Producer has resulted in a diverse range of projects finding development money, production funds, post-production investment, international sales, film festival wins, etc.</p>
<h3><a href="http://thestorydepartment.com/consultancy">Hire me to speak or to consult</a> on your stories &amp; scripts.</h3>
<p>I have been commissioned to speak or teach about screenwriting or filmmaking for the following organisations:</p>
<ul>
<li>The Australian Film Festival</li>
<li>Society of Women Writers of NSW</li>
<li>The NSW Writers Centre</li>
<li>The ACT Writers Centre</li>
<li>Metro Screen Sydney</li>
<li>Sydney Film Industry Meetup Group</li>
<li>The International Film College</li>
<li>The Australian Writers Guild</li>
<li>The South Australian Film Corporation</li>
<li>Digital Content Networks, Sydney</li>
<li>Women in Film And Television</li>
<li>Apple Computers</li>
<li>The Charles Sturt University</li>
<li>The SAE Institute</li>
<li>The Royal Film Commission, Jordan</li>
</ul>
<p>Karel&#8217;s views are published in The Story Dept. and formerly on &#8216;Karel&#8217;s Feedback Forum&#8217; on the <a href="http://www.awg.com.au" target="_blank">AWG web site</a>.<br />
<a name="contact"></a></p>
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		<title>Adaptation: An Original Story</title>
		<link>http://thestorydepartment.com/adaptation-an-original-story/</link>
		<comments>http://thestorydepartment.com/adaptation-an-original-story/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 18 Aug 2007 16:37:42 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Karel Segers</dc:creator>
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		<description><![CDATA[You&#8217;re a screenwriter. And you&#8217;re SO stuck. Nothing is moving, nobody wants to make your movie. You are on a crusade for recognition, for people to tell you how great the idea and how successful you will be. But your phone calls are not being returned. Are you caught in the Draft One Trap? To [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_oLrUJV3TOrE/RsfbyVEp0WI/AAAAAAAABkU/RQ8Zx9P0lS4/s1600-h/firstdraft2.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_oLrUJV3TOrE/RsfbyVEp0WI/AAAAAAAABkU/RQ8Zx9P0lS4/s320/firstdraft2.JPG" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5100286760716980578" style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold; color: #336699">You&#8217;re a screenwriter. And you&#8217;re SO stuck. Nothing is moving, nobody wants to make your movie. You are on a crusade for recognition, for people to tell you how great the idea and how successful you will be. But your phone calls are not being returned. Are you caught in the Draft One Trap?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="X-NONE">To appease your conscience you will make scene level tweaks. Lots of them. You will call it draft two, three, thirteen. The reality: this is still draft one. You will finally get sick of the script and move on to the next Great Idea. Years go by and many scripts may come from your hand but none will ever get made, let alone reach an audience.</span></p>
<p>Did you just recognise someone you know in the above description? Perhaps yourself? Do you really believe, off all the readers of <span style="font-style: italic"></span>all the blogs in all the world I&#8217;m trying to convert <span style="font-style: italic">you</span>? No. The above <span lang="X-NONE">was taken from a promotional blurb I wrote for a two-day <a href="http://home.exetel.com.au/ozzywood/services/story_workshop.pdf" target="blank">story workshop</a> at <a href="http://www.metroscreen.com.au/">Metroscreen</a>.<br />
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="X-NONE">The course will be partially about the foundations of screen story and partially about practical ways to apply them to your work. You may not need those foundations for draft one. The first draft is all about &#8220;Don&#8217;t get it right, get it written.&#8221; But then comes draft two and reality kicks in. If you haven&#8217;t written your first draft yet, you still need to be aware of the elements that will come into play further down the road.<br />
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="X-NONE">Successful feature screenwriters don&#8217;t cherish that first draft. They know it is crap so they won&#8217;t show it to anyone let alone shop it around, <span style="font-style: italic">except </span>for advise on how to move to the next draft ASAP. Successful screenwriters listen to the honest constructive criticism from industry professionals and follow a process on the way to a wonderful, radically <em>different</em> Draft Two.<br />
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="X-NONE">For these writers the second draft is an easier and more important leap forward than any next draft of the script. This has to do with the &#8216;law of diminishing returns&#8217;, but more about that in a later post on this blog.<br />
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="X-NONE">Apart from making sure you will not unknowingly fall in that Draft One Trap ever again, the Metroscreen course will focus on most of those issues I have come across in unsuccessful scripts during my six years as a producer. The second day of the two-day course will show how to implement </span>a writing process that may significantly speed up the development and create a genuine opportunity when pitching your projects to producers, directors or funding agencies.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">If you are interested in this course or would like to know more, send me an <a href="mailto:karel@ozzywood.com">email</a> or contact Metroscreen. Or just download the <a href="http://home.exetel.com.au/ozzywood/services/workshop_form.pdf" target="blank">enrolment form</a> and send it in! If you&#8217;re not a Metroscreen member, you can sort that out using <a href="http://home.exetel.com.au/ozzywood/services/metroscreen_membership.pdf" target="blank">this form</a>.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">But enough about me and my course.</p>
<p>TRIBE OR TRITE? STONEKING&#8217;S MANTRA</p>
<p>At a recent AWG NSW event poet and AFTRS teacher Billy Stoneking performed a short version of his &#8216;tribe act&#8217;. Many in the audience were confused. And yes, over the years some have questioned the contribution of the national film school to Australian screenwriting culture. But rather than fueling the controversy, I would like to give Stoneking credit where credit is due.</p>
<p>Stoneking&#8217;s &#8216;tribe&#8217; theory focuses primarily on the writer&#8217;s connection with both the material and the audience. If you think Stoneking has a purely artistic, individualistic approach to screenwriting, think again. He pays ample attention to the importance and the meaning of &#8216;drama&#8217; and he acknowledges that a good movie is made for an audience. And not just &#8216;an&#8217; audience: it must be <span style="font-style: italic">the</span> audience you have &#8211; in some way or other &#8211; a connection with. Do read the article <a href="http://billystoneking.blogspot.com/">here</a>. Being a poet, the man masters his language in a way I can only envy.</p>
<p>If on the other hand you would like to <span style="font-style: italic">see </span>the <span style="font-style: italic">entertainer</span> Stoneking, you might be lucky enough to still find his <a href="http://www.sony.com.au/tropfest/category.jsp?id=23781">Sony Tropfest videocast</a> of the &#8216;tribe act&#8217;. Have fun!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="X-NONE"><br />
HOLLYWOOD VS. OZZYWOOD</span></p>
<p><span lang="X-NONE">As you may have noticed from earlier posts on this blog, <a href="http://www.creativescreenwriting.com/index.html"><span style="font-style: italic">Creative Screenwriting Magazine</span></a> is a personal favourite. It was recently named &#8220;the best magazine about screenwriting&#8221; by the Los Angeles Times.</span></p>
<p>Their &#8216;Story Department&#8217; (photo above) web forum opened in April 2006 and since then they have received 42 posts from writers all over the world.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><a href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_oLrUJV3TOrE/RsbNklEp0TI/AAAAAAAABj8/Vvh2W_Vo8oc/s1600-h/karel2.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><br />
</a></p>
<p>Closer to home, four months ago some passionate story consultant opened a little forum on the bulletin board of the Australian Writers&#8217; Guild (photo left) to answer questions from writers.</p>
<p>The writers dropped by &#8230; and they keep coming back! If you&#8217;re an AWG member you should be able to check it out <a href="http://www.awg.com.au/bb/index.php">here</a>. If you&#8217;re not, perhaps you should become an associate? The benefits are surely worth  it.</p>
<p>WRITING FOR ACTORS<br />
<span style="font-style: italic; font-size: 85%">(Or: why writers should win the Best Acting awards)</span></p>
<p>Until recently I was only a producer and story consultant. I can now add &#8216;writer&#8217; to my credits. Well, in spirit that is. The credit will never be on the screen. It was a rewrite-for-hire job and although in my humble opinion the story is now 200% better, the original writers will get the praise, if any. In any case, it is exciting to know after my rewrite the script was deemed ready for consideration by a Hollywood Studio (Fox) where it is at the time of writing.</p>
<p>But all that is beside the point. The project in question is supposed to launch the career of a particular actor, which I could hardly believe after reading the draft I received. The actor&#8217;s character was NOT the story&#8217;s protagonist, he had limited screentime and worst of all: he was given the most unspeakable dialogue.</p>
<p>Which set me thinking. How do you write dialogue for a beginning actor? You don&#8217;t. You write <span style="font-style: italic">emotion</span>. And emotion the actor will <span style="font-style: italic">not </span>need to <span style="font-style: italic">perform</span>. I have had this conversation a dozen times over the past month so I apologise in advance for those who have heard me preach about this before.</p>
<p>Let&#8217;s go back about eighty years (or <a href="http://thestorydepartment.blogspot.com/2006_05_06_archive.html">ten blogs</a>) to the work of <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0474487/">Lev Kuleshov</a> <span style="font-size: 85%"><span style="font-style: italic">(Photo: The Extraordinary Adventures of Mr. West in the Land of the Bolsheviks, 1924)</span></span>. <span style="font-size: 85%"><span style="font-style: italic"></span></span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 85%"><span style="font-style: italic">Kuleshov took unedited footage of a completely expressionless face [...] and intercut it with shots of three highly motivated objects: a bowl of hot soup, a dead woman lying in a coffin, and a little girl playing with a teddy bear.</span></span></p>
<p>When the film strips were shown to randomly selected audiences, they invariably responded as though the actor&#8217;s face had accurately portrayed the emotion appropriate to the intercut object.</p>
<p>As Pudovkin recalled:</p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;The public raved about the acting of the artist. They pointed out the heavy pensiveness of his mood over the forgotten soup, were touched and moved by the deep sorrow with which he looked on the dead woman, and admired the light, happy smile with which he surveyed the girl at play.</p>
<p>But we knew that in all three cases the face was exactly the same.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p><span style="font-size: 85%">(from David Cook&#8217;s splendid A HISTORY OF NARRATIVE FILM.)</span></p>
<p>These results are known today as the &#8216;Kuleshov effect&#8217; and it explains why often actors win awards for performances they didn&#8217;t give. When Russell Crowe broke onto the Hollywood scene with his nomination for <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0140352/">THE INSIDER</a>, it had IMHO nothing to do with his acting skills but everything with Eric Roth and Michael Mann&#8217;s terrific writing, which effectively projected the feelings we share with the Jeffrey Wigand character onto Crowe&#8217;s blank face.</p>
<p>A more recent example is the late <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0618057/">Ulrich MÃ¼he&#8217;s</a> performance in <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0405094/">THE LIVES OF OTHERS </a>(Das Leben der Anderen), which won him numerous best actor awards including at the European Film Awards. The second half of the movie is an emotional powerhouse, yet the actor&#8217;s face is near blank.</p>
<p>Conversely, great actors have been blamed of bad performances where the only culprit really was the screenwriter. The actor could have avoid the blame by politely passing on a screenplay that was not worthy of his attachment.</p>
<p>Bottom line: if you want to write great drama for any actor, irrespective of the experience level, <span style="font-style: italic">don&#8217;t</span> <span style="font-style: italic">describe </span>the emotion you want to see on the actor&#8217;s face. Make the audience feel the emotion before the character has to respond to it. Great drama does not have visible emotion; it makes you, the audience <span style="font-style: italic">feel</span> it. If you must, write a tear on an expressionless face.</p>
<p>Hitchcock would say: &#8220;I need actors who can do <span style="font-style: italic">nothing</span> well.&#8221; He understood perfectly that it was the writer&#8217;s job to convey the emotion, not the actor&#8217;s. He also perfectly understood the power of the <span style="font-style: italic">Kuleshov effect</span> and consequently: the power of <span style="font-style: italic">editing</span>.</p>
<p>Great actors are not those who can be express sadness, anger or desperation better than others. Great actors are those who can pick great scripts.</p>
<p>AUSTRALIAN FILM: FRANK COX AND ERIC BANA</p>
<p>Frank Cox of <a href="http://www.hopscotchfilms.com.au/" target="blank">Hopscotch</a> can help greenlight a feature film. He is one of the &#8216;good guys&#8217;: he looks at films that don&#8217;t necessarily fill the multiplexes. Better even: he reads those screenplays. But that doesn&#8217;t mean he will be betting the house.</p>
<p><span style="font-size: 100%"><span style="font-style: italic"></span></span></p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;I ask &#8216;Who do you think the film is for?&#8217; Some of them say &#8216;Frank, I make movies for myself, because I&#8217;m an artist and the audiences will follow it if I do something fantastic. I&#8217;ve got a vision.&#8221; <span style="font-style: italic">&#8220;And I&#8217;m going &#8216;Good on you, if you&#8217;ve got the stuff to do this and you find a market, fantastic. But if you&#8217;re not going to talk to me while you&#8217;ve got these ideas, then don&#8217;t come to me at the end and get disappointed if I tell you I don&#8217;t know what to do with it.&#8217;&#8221;</span></p></blockquote>
<p>I had to think of these words tonight while I was watching a freshly shot Australian film (I&#8217;m bound by secrecy as it&#8217;s not out yet). Multi-protagonist, not done badly but just not good enough. Another case of <span style="font-style: italic">&#8220;I&#8217;ve got a vision&#8221;</span>&#8230; In today&#8217;s market, anybody with a brain would steer away from multi-protagonist for a first feature. But what I found completely baffling was the fact that a government agency had put money in the project, both for development AND production. What are we doing? Anyhow, where does Frank Cox see the current Australian cinema?</p>
<p><span style="font-size: 100%"><span style="font-style: italic"></span></span></p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;Australian films are a bit of a question mark.&#8221; The talent is certainly there, proved by the success of Australian industry people overseas, but &#8220;It seems to me that most projects in Australia are hurried. In other words, the development process lacks, the stories are not fully developed, and they don&#8217;t reach their optimum because everyone seems to be in a hurry to put their film in development and then production.&#8221; It&#8217;s a familiar story; the problem is understood throughout the industry.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p>Thank you to ScreenHub for the kind permission to re-publish. You can read the full interview here. <a href="http://www.screenhub.com.au/news/newsarticle_sendfriend.asp?newsID=16352" target="blank">here.</a></p>
<p>Recently a good friend and fellow Belgian interviewed Eric Bana in Rome for his latest <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0338216/">LUCKY YOU</a> (another <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0744839/">Eric Roth</a> screenplay). My friend asked his opinion about Australian film and I have a funny feeling he would not have given this answer to a reporter on Australian soil:</p>
<p><span style="font-size: 85%"><span style="font-style: italic; font-size: 100%"></span></span></p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;It may sound weird but working in Australia is not that important to me. It can even be dangerous to a career.&#8221;<br />
[...]<br />
&#8220;I know an &#8216;international name&#8217; can help, for instance if you want to get a high budget film financed or if you want to launch a difficult project. But as I said, there is a real danger. You receive a lot of scripts that aren&#8217;t ready. The producers then believe a big name will solve the problem. So I am very careful&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p><o:p></o:p></p>
<p>THE STORY DEPT.: FROM IDEA TO PRINT</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">&nbsp;</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="X-NONE">My preparations for the Metroscreen course explain why it&#8217;s been a bit quiet in The Story Dept.; for the other reason behind the temporary silence I have to profoundly thank many of you, the readers of this blog! Over the past months I have been increasingly busy as a story consultant, both on projects in development as some films in post-production.<br />
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="X-NONE">Indeed the principles of story don&#8217;t stop with the shooting script. From a story perspective the assembled footage is a work that hardly ever reflects the story beats </span><span lang="X-NONE">exactly </span><span lang="X-NONE">as they were intended in the script. Or if they are, sometimes a better option becomes apparent in the editing suite.<br />
</span></p>
<p><span lang="X-NONE">For a team that has laboured over the same movie for months or years, it is hard to make far-reaching decisions without being consumed by feelings of insecurity and doubt. Fortunately there may be a guiding light as the principles of story still apply! If areas of the story don&#8217;t work for the outsider, sometimes the reasons can be found in a breach of (one or some of) those principles. Enter the story analyst!</span></p>
<p><span lang="X-NONE">Next to the consultancy work I have been happily producing the short animation ACID SUN (photo) by writer/director/animator Rodney March. The third OZZYWOOD short film is also the first one rigorously co-developed in terms of story and I am hopeful this will bear fruit at the film festivals once it will hit the screens later this year.</span></p>
<p>As a matter of fact the validity of my mission as a story consultant (see &#8216;<a href="http://www.ozzywood.com/film-production/film-producer-karel-segers.htm">about us</a>&#8216;) has been proven repeatedly over the past year. <span lang="X-NONE">It&#8217;s been a wonderful ride and I hope my clients agree even if it has been rough at times. I have seen filmmakers look at their works with professional and passionate scrutiny, think outside the box and at the same time question the reasons and motivations behind their stories. In most if not all of the cases we have improved their works, sometimes immensely, resulting in a marketable draft, a re-energised development process or at worst: an improved insight in the mechanics of story structure and the dynamics of our film industry.</span></p>
<p>THE QUIZ</p>
<p><span class="158511006-27052007">If you have taken the <a href="http://ozzywood.com/quiz">quiz</a> before and failed miserably, try again. Most likely it was <span style="font-style: italic">not </span>because you can&#8217;t see the difference between a main plot and a subplot but &#8230; you only had 3.7 secs to type in your answer. That has been fixed, so you can now improve your score!</span></p>
<p>To pass you need to answer 14 out of 20 questions correctly. The quiz is definitely not for beginners but most of the answers can be found somewhere in the articles of this blog. Click through to see your score and the right answers. Finally you&#8217;ll be guided back to the <a href="http://www.ozzywood.com/">OZZYWOOD</a> web site. Good luck!<a href="http://ozzywood.com/quiz"></a></p>
<p><a href="http://ozzywood.com/quiz">http://ozzywood.com/quiz</a>
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		<title>The Good Read</title>
		<link>http://thestorydepartment.com/a-good-read/</link>
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		<pubDate>Thu, 31 May 2007 15:44:36 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Karel Segers</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[anticipation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[beat]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[character]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[climax]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[conflict]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[consultancy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dialogue]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[die hard]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[direction]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[drama]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[format]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[high concept]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[movies]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[outline]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Pitching & Selling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[protagonist]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[reversal]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[scene]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[screenplay]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[screenplays]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[screenwriter]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[screenwriters]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[screenwriting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[script]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[script software]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[software]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[story]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[subtext]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[syd field]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[synopsis]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The Logline]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[turning point]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[writing seminar]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://a-good-read/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Recently I had the privilege and honour of reading a script by one of the most hyped young writers in this country, face on covers of magazines and all that. My expectations were high and yes: it delivered! I spent an amazing two hours reading it as the characters really jumped off the page and [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_oLrUJV3TOrE/Rl2WsJz_NVI/AAAAAAAAA_0/4gN7w37Dkrs/s1600-h/goodread.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_oLrUJV3TOrE/Rl2WsJz_NVI/AAAAAAAAA_0/4gN7w37Dkrs/s320/goodread.JPG" style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5070374440781428050" border="0" height="84" width="132" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold; color: #336699">Recently I had the privilege and honour of reading a script by one  of the most hyped young writers in this country, face on covers of magazines and  all that. My expectations were high and yes: it delivered! I spent an amazing  two hours reading it as the characters really jumped off the page and the  writing was beautiful. Then I put the script down  and I knew the movie would fail.</span></p>
<p>What I had read was a great short novel.  Brilliant prose, lively detail and sharp dialogue. But the story didn&#8217;t work  because we would not care for the protagonist. This is a typical mistake: confusing a good script with a good story. Beware of the &#8216;good  read&#8217;. Or as my best friend Chris always says: <span style="font-style: italic">&#8220;Armaggedon  was a good read too.&#8221; </span>In the case of this Australian hopeful, the story was told from a protagonist without any clear objective. Ironically, a character close to the protagonist would have much better fitted that role without the need to significantly change the premise.</p>
<p>The joy of the <span style="font-style: italic">&#8216;good read&#8217;</span> is truly a danger and one of many reasons why you don&#8217;t rely on  friends for script feedback, even if they work in the film industry. I have heard of aspiring screenwriters asking advice from assistant directors, decorators production managers. Although like everybody in our industry, these people SHOULD have a notion, in reality they hardly ever do. (As a matter of fact, a lot of decision-makers don&#8217;t have  a clue either.I could give you a recent  example of a script where even the writer admitted <span style="font-style: italic">&#8216;there was no story&#8217;</span>. Still he got the money  to develop it. Develop what? The novel? I won&#8217;t name the example  or I would be dead. Fact is that the writer in question ironises about this reality when he says that <span style="font-style: italic"></span></p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;to get your hands on delicious development money you don&#8217;t have to have a great script, it only has to be a little &#8216;better&#8217; than the norm. And if you can do that with no story&#8230;good times.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p>THE WISE AND THE NOT SO WISE</p>
<p>As somebody  who takes the craft very seriously, I&#8217;m  sometimes frustrated to see how people who should know better send out confusing  messages. Now take this quote, which I found on a web site claiming to give  story advice and tips to writers:</p>
<p class="tips" style="font-style: italic; font-family: georgia"><span style="font-size: 85%"></span></p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;As for the content of your screenplay;  structure counts, usually. Have a clear Act I, II, and III. Try to hook the  reader on the first page! Make the first five (or ten pages at most) be Act I,  wherein you introduce all the main characters and show the reader the who, what,  where, when and why of your story. Notice that I said SHOW. Telling is not so  good. Film is a visual medium and you should actually be writing a FILM, not a  script. Act II is the rest of the story, where you build on what you started,  and it climaxes at the clear end of Act II. Act III should be five or ten (max)  pages, where all loose ends are tied up and all conflicts are resolved.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p>I must admit I had never heard of the <span style="font-style: italic">Ten Minutes First Act</span>. And the second act  being &#8220;<span style="font-style: italic">where you build on what you  started</span>&#8220;. How can you be more vague? You know what is REALLY frightening?  The person talking is the director of an internationally renowned film  festival. And as for: <em>&#8220;structure counts,  usually&#8221;&#8230; </em>The festival director is probably hoping of getting the new  KOYAANISQATSI.</p>
<p>Let me counterbalance the nonsense with a solid quote from Chris  Vogler, the man behind The Writer&#8217;s Journey. This time not about the &#8216;big structure&#8217; or the Journey Stages but about <span style="font-style: italic">scenes</span>:</p>
<p><span style="font-style: italic"></span></p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;A scene is a business deal. It may not  involve money but it will always involve some change in the contract between  characters or in the balance of power. It&#8217;s a transaction, in which two or more  people enter with one kind of deal between them, and negotiate or battle until a  new deal has been cut, at which point the scene should end. It could be the  reversal of a power structure. The underdog seizes power by blackmail. Or it  could be the forging of a new alliance or enmity. Two people who hated each  other make a new deal to work together in a threatening situation. <span style="font-style: italic">A boy asks a girl out and she accepts or rejects his  offer. Two gangsters make an alliance to rub out a rival. A mob forces a sheriff  to turn a man over for lynching. The meat of the scene is the negotiation to  arrive at the new deal, and when the deal is cut, the scene is over, period.  &#8220;</span></p></blockquote>
<p><span style="font-size: 100%">THE POWER OF A PARADIGM SHIFT</span></p>
<p>Years ago a good friend  returned from L.A. where he had attended a much hyped screenwriting seminar. The  speaker made a point by asking the room who would visualise the  scenes while writing. I agreed with my friend&#8217;s astonishment when he reported  that <span style="font-style: italic">only half </span>of the writers raised their hands. What were the others thinking?  What idiots to believe you can actually write movies without thinking visually???</p>
<p>I have come to fundamentally change my view on this.  Did Alan Ball necessarily think visually when he wrote SIX FEET UNDER? Or AMERICAN  BEAUTY? The last boasts wonderfully  visual scenes but most of the script&#8217;s power lies entirely not on its  visual level. We do indeed need <span style="font-style: italic">visible </span>elements to show character subtext, but not necessarily a <span style="font-style: italic">visual </span>context. Think about CRASH or more recently THE LIVES OF  OTHERS. On what level do these movies make an impact?</p>
<p>Whether a movie works or not, is decided on an entirely different, almost abstract and non-visual level. Until a late draft, a screenwriter doesn&#8217;t always need to <span style="font-style: italic">visualise</span>. And you can take  this right through to very visual action flicks such as DIE HARD, THE FUGITIVE or even  SPIDER-MAN. Visual elements such as setting, time of day, camera angles etc. could have been easily replaced without really changing the story. They might have even <span style="font-style: italic">worked</span> without the eye candy but they surely wouldn&#8217;t have without the  character drama underneath.</p>
<p><span class="158511006-27052007">Recently I was recommended  </span>THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE. Early in the book Stephen  Covey speaks about the Paradigm Shift. (Beware: this Paradigm has <span style="font-style: italic">nothing</span> to do  with Syd Field.) It&#8217;s about looking at something from a specific angle and (not)  seeing what others see. I found this concept very similar to reading <span style="font-style: italic">text</span> vs. reading <span style="font-style: italic">subtext</span>.<span class="158511006-27052007"> </span>I had been reading screenplays on the surface  for years before  it  most literally &#8216;clicked&#8217; in my head; it felt as if a &#8216;sixth sense&#8217; had switched  on, as if I was suddenly reading with an infrared eye.</p>
<p>Switching on the understanding of this subtextual level is a skill writers, just like producers  or directors, need to develop before they can become successful. It is just as  essential as switching on your desk light at night to read.</p>
<p>THE LOGLINE</p>
<p><span style="font-style: italic"></span></p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;A  logline is a one-sentence summary of your script. It&#8217;s the short blurb in TV  guides that tells you what a movie is about and helps you decide if you&#8217;re  interested in seeing it. It&#8217;s the grabber that excites your interest.&#8221;  (-Scriptologis.Com)</p></blockquote>
<p>.</p>
<p>The logline shouldn&#8217;t be confused with  the tagline (marketing one-liner for the poster) or even slugline (&#8220;EXT. KAREL&#8217;S  OFFICE &#8211; DAY&#8221;).</p>
<p>Once I believed you can only write your story&#8217;s logline  when you have finished your script and even the one page synopsis. Until then,  it may not even be clear what the story is about.</p>
<p>Here are a few good  reasons why you should start thinking of the logline earlier. First of all: a  good logline is a good indication that you have a story. If after a few drafts  you still can&#8217;t find a logline that captures what your movie is about, you  really need to think hard about the story again. Secondly: it will become an  essential selling tool for your script. A strong logline will give you the  confidence that you have a story: you&#8217;ll be able to pitch it with passion! In  both senses the logline does pretty much what I promote about the synopsis in my  consultancy services: it helps you improve AND sell the story. All that with the  economy of one simple sentence.</p>
<p>I am currently working as a consultant on  an amazing high concept story with some major story issues. It is always  nerve-wrecking having to break the news that to unleash its potential, a story  needs to be significantly reworked. But when I found out the writer had already  written a logline expressing exactly what I believed the story should deliver, I  sighed: we were on the same wavelength.</p>
<p>The moment you find a logline  expressing your intentions, you have found an invaluable tool to stay on track.  It could be the road map saving you from disaster. If the logline is selling and  you stay true to it during the writing of the draft, chances are you will have a  selling story.</p>
<p>THE $5 SCRIPT SOFTWARE: ASHAMPOO&#8217;S TEXTMAKER:</p>
<p>I  recently had a computer scare when it looked my four year old laptop was about  to die. That would have been a disaster in a few ways, not the least because I  recently bought a &#8211; legitimate &#8211; OEM version of Office Standard. I lose my  laptop, I lose that.</p>
<p>No wonder I was interested when recently I received  an offer to an elegant software program called &#8216;Textmaker&#8217;, which does  everything I use MS Word for. Only for <span style="font-weight: bold">$4.99</span> <span style="font-weight: bold">only</span>. And legitimate. If you are looking for a  good quality text processor, which is BTW faster than MS Word and whose license  won&#8217;t expire if your computer dies, have a look here:</p>
<p><a href="http://www.ashampoo.com/frontend/registration/php/newsletter_step1.php?&amp;session_langid=2" title="http://www.ashampoo.com/frontend/registration/php/newsletter_step1.php?&amp;session_langid=2">http://www.ashampoo.com</a></p>
<p>I  believe the offers on these newsletters remain open for at least 1 purchase per  customer.</p>
<p>BEATS VS. TURNING POINTS</p>
<p>While working on a step  outline with one of my clients, it bothered me a number of scenes ended in the  exact same way: the protagonist would respond to a situation by rejection or reluctance to  respond.</p>
<p>None of these scenes really ended in a plot point, there was no hook nor change to the story&#8217;s direction. So I didn&#8217;t find the  scenes&#8217; ending strong enough and almost  suggested to cut them altogether. Still,  the point the writer was trying to make about the protagonist was a valid one:  it gave us important information we would need later in the story.</p>
<p>The  solution we came up with: keep the  protagonist&#8217;s reaction as a scene <span style="font-style: italic">beat  </span>but work towards a stronger scene ending by creating a new <span style="font-style: italic">plot point</span>  for each in order to <span style="font-style: italic">turn </span>the scene,  create anticipation and propel it into the next one. Not an easy task but ultimately better than  cutting.</p>
<p>THE QUIZ</p>
<p><span class="158511006-27052007">As part of a Google Adwords campaign I&#8217;ve created a quiz about the craft and &#8211; to a lesser extent &#8211; history of screenwriting. If one or two questions are a matter of opinion rather than fact, you will find the answers in The Story Dept. Twenty challenges, definitely not for beginners (and neither is this blog, apparently) but essential knowledge for whomever is serious about the craft. Anyway, if you consider yourself an expert, or at least intermediate level writer, you shouldn&#8217;t be intimidated. Click through until the very end of the quiz and you&#8217;ll land back on the OZZYWOOD web site after seeing all the right answers. Have fun! </span></p>
<p><a href="http://ozzywood.com/quiz">http://ozzywood.com/quiz</a>
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