Feb
8
When talking about story structure, many people talk about where exactly in the story the structural element needs to happen. Often this is expressed in terms of a page number, or even a percentage of the film’s total duration.
I would prefer to leave such quantification aside for a moment and rather look into what these structural elements need to achieve.
For the inciting incident, here is my most important conclusion:
The inciting incident is a major event happening to the protagonist, never an action or decision by the protagonist.
When before I stated that the inciting incident must be a ‘deus ex machina’, I was wrong. Although it may seem so for our hero, it can but doesn’t need to be an act of God. But in any case it must be beyond the control of the protagonist.
To demonstrate that an action by the protagonist cannot work as an inciting incident, let’s look at two films that had a lot going for them but still failed to break out at the box office.
The following logline of Somersault, from a document published by the Australian Film Commission, claims to contain the film’s starting event. It says:
- A teenage girl runs away from home, hoping to find herself through love, but the people she meets are as lost as she is.
If the girl running away from home is the starting event, (i.e. the inciting incident), this is not a strong enough trigger for the story. But are we missing something? Why does she run from home? This is what we find on iMDB:
Heidi, 15, runs away from home after her mom sees her kissing mom’s boyfriend.
That, to me, reads like a pretty powerful inciting incident to the mother’s character. Not to the girl, because she started it in the first place.
McKee is absolutely right when he says the inciting incident should force the protagonist to act.
If the cause of the girl’s running away is not important enough to mention in the logline, it is probably not big enough to kick off the story. And the audience wouldn’t get the point that the story has effectively started. Such a ’soft launch’ of a film should be avoided at all cost.
Similarly, in what I believe to be the inciting incident of LUCKY YOU, Eric Bana’s character decides to bet all he has (i.e. the pawn ticket of his mother’s wedding ring) in a game of poker against his dad. When he loses, I feel it was his own mistake and he could have avoided it. It is not strong enough to start the movie.
Both films performed relatively poorly, given the exposure they had at the time of release. It certainly was not just because their weak inciting incidents, but I do believe it might have had something to do with that.
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Jan
18
New Screenwriters
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Most government film agencies have funds to spend on promising new screenwriters. Often the requirements are less stringent in terms of the formal perfection of the works; the attention goes to the writer’s voice, the type of material and the mastery of a visual language.
Still you will need to get through the hurdle of the paperwork. Before getting access to tax payer’s money, a rather large amount of boxes needs to be ticked. Still, these application forms are usually not as daunting as they look.
If you have studied the questions in the application and there are still questions left, it often pays to pick up the phone and ask the people in the development department directly.
However, the most important elements of any application package for a new screenplay are the following:
- the screenplay
- the logline and/or one-paragraph synopsis
- the synopsis
- the three-page outline
- the development notes
If you are confident that you have a good story, it is paramount to make sure each of these four is in prime shape. Let’s look at them in further detail.
SCREENPLAY
ALL scripts are read. To my knowledge, this is where the first selection occurs.
This means you the screenplay’s presentation is extremely important. To improve a reader’s experience and keep the focus on the story, your script needs to be as perfect as you can get it. Proper format, no typos, ‘lots of white’ etc.
It is true that if you have a formally deficient screenplay but a rock solid story, you will ultimately find the money. If you have a dead-boring story written in a perfect, super polished screenplay, no-one will care. Still, your script may be eliminated from a funding round just because it looks un-professional.
The external reader in charge of making the first selection may decide that if you are not disciplined to even get something as simple as the format right, you are not serious about screenwriting in the first place.
LOGLINE
It tells in only a few words what your story is about. Twenty-five-words-or-less, ideally. If you can’t do this, most likely any future sales people will have trouble pitching your story.
The logline is a one sentence or one paragraph summary of your story, sometimes called the elevator pitch. Clever writers have used this tool during development and now is the time for the world to admire the brilliant gem.
The logline is so powerful, it doesn’t just tell us what the story is about, it also demonstrates your clarity in terms of vision and plot.
Think of it like this: if you give the people deciding on development or production investment the most powerful, exciting line summarising your story, you can almost be sure your story will pop in their minds before any others. You have already half won the money.
SYNOPSIS
Even if the synopsis is not used for the first elimination, a badly written synopsis will most likely throw you out of the race at some point. Once a first selection is made, readers will need to refresh their minds and in stead of re-reading the entire script, they may look at the synopsis in stead. If yours is sloppy and uninspiring, this may reflect on the discussions about the script in the shortlisting stage.
I am of the opinion that significant tax money could be saved if funding agencies would behave like the rest of the film industry and make a selection based on the synopsis first. It is a time-efficient and highly reliable tool to assess the story in a reasonable level of detail without the need to read for hours. A badly constructed story can be a good read but ultimately it may waste everyone’s time.
Finally, one page is one page. Don’t cheat. If necessary, cut out all subplots and focus purely on the protagonist’s journey.
THREE PAGE OUTLINE
Here you can go into more detail about any side-characters and their journeys. If the synopsis suffered in terms of its style because of the struggle to get the essential plot points in, here you can be more evocative. Give us a flavour of the genre of the film by using expressive language. However, this is still not a treatment: no dialogue or detailed description.
DEVELOPMENT NOTES
Honesty first. Know your strengths and weaknesses. Don’t over-sell. Be clear about what you want to achieve in the next draft. The development notes are hugely important and in all fairness, it is not really an area where you can be on your own. It always pays to hire a professional to look over the application materials as the competition is fierce and many of your competitors will have worked through their submission with the help of a script consultant.
These notes should provide the SWOT Analysis of your work. Why do you believe it will attract millions of viewers? Why is it worth spending money on further development? And most importantly: what are you intending to do next? For a writer, it is hard to judge the merits of your own work. Here you will need help from an experienced reader, another writer or a script editor.
One more piece of advice: start writing these documents EARLY. Don’t wait until the last days before the deadline. Not only will you save yourself the stress and the danger of having documents riddled with typos. When you have the time to let your application materials rest for a week, two, three, you will have time to write another seriously improved draft. You will pick up on weaknesses you didn’t see in the first place. The final result will be 200% better.
Back to work. Good luck!
Screenplay Checklist (Premium) >>
Learn From Other People’s Mistakes >>
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Nov
8
Logline: Examples
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A 17th Century tale of adventure on the Caribbean Sea where the roguish yet charming Captain Jack Sparrow joins forces with a young blacksmith in a gallant attempt to rescue the Governor of England’s daughter and reclaim his ship. (2/5: no inner journey, no antagonist)
Toula’s family has exactly three traditional values – “Marry a Greek boy, have Greek babies, and feed everyone.” When she falls in love with a sweet, but WASPy guy, Toula struggles to get her family to accept her fiance, while she comes to terms with her own heritage. (4/5: outer + inner)
A young man and woman from different social classes fall in love aboard an ill-fated voyage at sea. (4/5)
When a Roman general is betrayed and his family murdered by a corrupt prince, he comes to Rome as a gladiator to seek his revenge. (3/5: no inner, opposite of what it really is “‘ restore justice)
An older man is forced to deal with an ambiguous future after he enters retirement and his wife passes away. Ultimately, he finds hope as he comes to terms with his daughter’s marriage and his own life. (3/5)
A comedic portrayal of a young and broke Shakespeare who falls in love with a woman, inspiring him to write “Romeo and Juliet.” (2/5: no antagonism, only real life hook)
A journey of self-discovery by a brilliant mathematician once he was diagnosed with schizophrenia. He eventually triumphs over tragedy and receives the Nobel Prize.
An Epic tale of a 1940s New York Mafia family and their struggle to protect their empire, as the leadership switches from the father to his youngest son.
A meek and alienated little boy finds a stranded extraterrestrial and has find the courage to defy authorities to help the alien return to its home planet.
A boxer (hero) with a loser mentality (flaw) is offered a chance by the world champ (opponent) to fight for the title (lifechanging event) but, with the help of his lover (ally) must learn to see himself as a winner before he can step into the ring (battle). “Rocky.”
A jaded (flaw) WWII casino owner (hero) in Nazi-occupied Morocco sees his former lover (opponent) arrive (lifechanging event), accompanied by her husband (ally) whose heroism forces the hero to choose between his cynicism, his feeling for his ex-lover, and his once-strong feelings of patriotism (battle). “Casablanca.”
When a pathologically deceitful attorney gets zapped by his son’s birthday wish, he learns that he can no longer tell a lie even when he tries, so he must now win the biggest case of his career by being honest.
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Nov
8
Logline: Definitions
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Let’s start by saying what it isn’t.
It is not a tagline. It is not really a one-paragraph synopsis either. (and it’s definitely not a slug line)
The Australian Film Commission says:
“filmmakers are often asked to supply a one sentence version of their film story. This one sentence should give the most concentrated version possible of the story, or at least its key event.”
This definition is – to say the least – problematic. Do you know what a story’s ‘key event’ is? I don’t.
“For example, here is a one sentence plot premise for Somersault: “A teenage girl runs away from home, hoping to find herself through love, but the people she meets are as lost as she is…”
If this is the best logline possible for this film, the film does not have a story. There may be some sort of an inner journey but that is not enough for a successful film. The AFC document continues:
“This sentence is one way to describe what happens in Somersault. In this case, it gives us the starting event, implies further events and states the protagonist’s predicament.”
The writer of this statement should not give advice to filmmakers. Not only is it confusing, it is plain wrong. ‘A teenage girl runs away from home’ is most definitely NOT a ’starting event’. It is a deliberate action by that character, therefore it can not qualify for a strong inciting incident.
The Unknown Screenwriter (Unk) has a far more useful definition:
“Protagonist’s main character trait + Protagonist’s main function + main story conflict + central question + Antagonist or forces of antagonism + Protagonist’s goal and arc”
I found this for Gladiator, which is a perfect example of the above:
“The brave General Maximus, heir to the throne, is stripped from his powers and made a fugitive slave by his arch rival Commodus. In order to restore the power of the Roman Senate and avenge the murder of Marcus Aurelius he will have to fight and survive as a gladiator and ultimately confront Commodus.”
Because we have two sentences, it is not the ideal logline. But with some work, you can tighten this further without losing the essence:
“When the brave General Maximus is made a fugitive slave, he has to fight as a gladiator to confront his arch rival Commodus and restore the power of the senate.”
Unk also calls it a compass logline because:
“it’s the logline I create before I ever ever start writing. It always leads the way for me. It keeps me on track when I get off track and I tend to get off track ALL THE FUCKIN’ TIME.”
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Nov
8
Logline: Introduction
Filed Under Article Series, Free Content, Story Basics | Leave a Comment
McKee’s STORY gave me the illusion the logline is one of the last things you ever write. Why? Because during development, things can change.
Of course McKee is right. The creative process is unpredictable and you know where you start but you don’t know where you’ll end.
Really?
If you are assuming things can change SO much you will have a different logline, you may have a problem. You may not really have a story (yet).
The logline says exactly what your story is, in its purest and simplest form. It states what story you are trying to tell. If that changes, you are basically writing a different movie altogether.
One of the most exciting projects I have worked on had a problem in terms of its structure and POV. Numerous discussions with the writer lead to ever improving versions of synopsis and step outline. But we didn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel for quite a while.
One day the writer sent me a new synopsis and at the bottom of the page he had written a logline.
That day not only did we know we had a strong story, the development process suddenly found a clear direction.
Next: What is a logline? (Premium ) >>
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Oct
21
Directions: CSGPN Training Room
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BY CAR FROM THE CITY (+/-12mins):
Follow Parramatta Rd (aka the Great Western Highway) for about 5km .
Turn left onto Liverpool Road (aka Hume Highway), direction Ashfield.
Continue for +/- 800ms, CSGPN is to your left, on the corner with Queen St.
(click on the map for more detail)
BY TRAIN FROM SYDNEY CENTRAL (+/-18mins):
Take the 8:28am South Line train (CityRail)
Dep: Central Station Platform 19
Arr: Ashfield Station Platform 5
THEN WALK TO LIVERPOOL RD:
Exit on the Brown St side of the station and turn left onto Brown St.
Walk down Brown St until you reach Liverpool Rd.
Turn left and walk down Liverpool Rd until you reach the centre.
CSGPN will be on your right hand side, on the corner with Queen St.
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