Mar
7
Killing My Darlings
Filed Under Free Content, Newsletters | Leave a Comment
This blog started when a certain analysis of Michael Mann’s THE INSIDER sparked my frustration. Discussing BLADE RUNNER in a story workshop recently, I felt I was close to doing the exact same thing. To this date I don’t fully agree with her INSIDER analysis but Linda Aronson taught me this: to learn story, you will have to be ready to tear your favourite films apart.
REPLICANTS, SCREENWRITERS AND DOGSWhen last year the restored BLADE RUNNER screened in Sydney in all its 4k digital splendour, I was present at the Cremorne Orpheum, on the hunt for story weaknesses. It didn’t take me long. After fifteen minutes and thirty seconds, I put the scalpel aside and thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the film, i.e. Act Two and Three. (For Premium Subscribers, my brief analysis is here.)
This year the Coen brothers snatched the top Oscars despite issues with the ending of NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN. I won’t add to that discussion but if you would like to read some incisive thoughts, check out this article on the Mystery Man on Film blog.
Long before the Coen brothers won their first Oscar with FARGO, they had established themselves as favourites of the Cannes film festival with a Golden Palm for BARTON FINK. I have watched it a few times since and I still enjoy its Faustian slant, the flamboyant performances of Michael Lerner and John Goodman and the wonderful production design.
Why could BARTON FINK never appeal to a mainstream audience? It is about a screenwriter. But more importantly, the end of Act One makes a promise, then Act Two doesn’t deliver. Variety wrote at the time:
“After a little more than an hour, the pic is thrown in a wholly unexpected direction. There is a shocking murder, the presence of a mysterious box in Fink’s room, the revelation of another’s character’s sinister true identity, three more killings, a truly weird hotel fire and the humiliation of the writer after he believes he’s finally turned out a fine script.”
In essence there is nothing wrong with ‘a wholly unexpected direction’ but the problem is: no new promise is made. What do I mean by that?
The end of act one shows us what the protagonist’s objective is: Fink wants to write a screenplay. It promises a clear direction for the film. Once the murder is introduced, Fink doesn’t really have a clear objective and the story suffers from that. The film as a whole survives because of the exquisitely funny references to the real world of Hollywood in the 1940’s, the sensational performances, the amazing sound design etc.
Recently somebody mentioned WAG THE DOG (1997) to me, written by Hilary Henkin and David Mamet. In my memory, this movie was a hilarious touch of genius. Upon re-viewing, I was dumbfounded as not much of the exhilaration from ten years ago had survived for me.
Again, problemo numero uno: Hollywood behind the scenes. No matter how important we believe the workings of Hollywood are, no-one cares.
Secondly: no matter how clever, genuinely funny and genuinely TRUE the premise - don’t trust your president when he goes to war, the story is preaching to the converted. I don’t believe one single vote was gained or lost because of this film.
The core problems with this film lie on a pure story level. It seems Robert De Niro is the protagonist, his objective: fix a potential presidential scandal. Then we shift to Dustin Hoffman. His objective: stage a war. Soon, however, it appears neither are really facing any seemingly unsurmountable obstacles. Problems are solved as quickly as they arise.
Ultimately the film industry outsider is left with a self-indulgent, unsatisfying and uninvolving story. Mamet’s dialogue is brilliant but this is not the type of film I can watch more than once without an element of disappointment.
Whatever I may say about WAG THE DOG, the fans will rightfully point at the film’s respectable BO figures. Oh well. Star-power saved the dog.
PAGE RANK FOUR!
The Story Dept.’s Page Rank has gone up a full notch and I’m now in the company of such excellent PR4 blogs as The Unknown Screenwriter and the above mentioned Mystery Man on Film.
If you have the Google Tool Bar installed, you can see a white/green strip indicating the PageRank of the page you are visiting. It is usually located in the top middle of your page, under the address bar.
Last year, the world of SEO was turned on its head when millions of web sites saw their Page Rank drop. OZZYWOOD Films was one of the victims, sliding from a respectable Rank 4 to an okay 3.
In all fairness and humility, this web site may be on par for PR with Mystery Man and UNK, but no need to say yours truly will have a long way to go to deserve equal status with these boys.
THE LAW OF DIMINISHING RETURNS
Your second draft is the easiest of all. Why? Because the first draft is so bad each problem sticks out like a sore thumb. It is full of great ideas, but the execution stinks. To your editor/consultant it will be instantly obvious what needs fixing first. Hence, improving your story massively, immediately is actually a breeze.
On the other hand: the final draft is the hardest. Almost everything is as almost good as you can get it. Still, those few minor details that need fixing, jeopardise the entire rest of the script. Not only is it technically challenging, you aren’t quite sure which one is the right move. You can’t see the wood for the trees any longer.
Worst of all: after a long development you are so worn out you may be sick of this script and want to move on. You will need all the support and encouragement you can get, from your producer, your editor, your mum and dad (or wife and kids).
To move from draft one to two, it really takes only basic to intermediate skills. To move from draft eleven to twelve, it takes tremendous craftsmanship, talent and arduous persistence. Early on you will get heaps of great tips and advice from your story/script editor; towards the final draft more and more decisions will be yours: here is where your instinct comes into play.The comforting factor: it is often no longer a matter of working or not working, but of good or great. At this stage, you might have also shown the script to a few industry people, who should be encouraging you to run the last mile.
NEXT POST
With Michael Hauge’s Australia tour in May, I’ll be publishing a podcast and interview transcription, in conjunction with Inscription.
Also:
- Movie structure breakdowns (Premium)
- RATATOUILLE’s deleted scene
- Why the ‘3 Act Structure’?
Feb
6
The Inciting Incident
Filed Under Free Content, Story Basics | Leave a Comment
The first guy to write down that a story needs a beginning, middle and end, was Aristotle. About twenty-four centuries ago. But his beginning is not the same as our Act One; it is the point in this act where the story kicks off.
What Aristotle was talking about, in screen story terms we call the inciting incident. Anything before that, he called the prologue, which we know as the setup, the normal life of the protagonist or ordinary world of the hero.
The inciting incident is the first point in the film something happens truly out of the ordinary. It is often a surprising event, both to the audience and the protagonist. At that point it is clear: the story has well and truly started.
After the inciting incident, do we know what the story is about yet? No. For this, we need to wait until the end of Act One, until we understand what the protagonist’s mission, objective or outer desire will be for most of the story.
To be a successful screenwriter you really need to fully understand this first crucial moment in the story. Let’s look at what it means, what others say it does and what essential aspects you need in order to make it work.
One thing is absolutely certain: without a strong inciting incident you will have a hard time getting your audience glued to their seats.
Next: Definitions of Inciting Incident >>
Jan
18
New Screenwriters
Filed Under Free Content, Script Development | Leave a Comment
Most government film agencies have funds to spend on promising new screenwriters. Often the requirements are less stringent in terms of the formal perfection of the works; the attention goes to the writer’s voice, the type of material and the mastery of a visual language.
Still you will need to get through the hurdle of the paperwork. Before getting access to tax payer’s money, a rather large amount of boxes needs to be ticked. Still, these application forms are usually not as daunting as they look.
If you have studied the questions in the application and there are still questions left, it often pays to pick up the phone and ask the people in the development department directly.
However, the most important elements of any application package for a new screenplay are the following:
- the screenplay
- the logline and/or one-paragraph synopsis
- the synopsis
- the three-page outline
- the development notes
If you are confident that you have a good story, it is paramount to make sure each of these four is in prime shape. Let’s look at them in further detail.
SCREENPLAY
ALL scripts are read. To my knowledge, this is where the first selection occurs.
This means you the screenplay’s presentation is extremely important. To improve a reader’s experience and keep the focus on the story, your script needs to be as perfect as you can get it. Proper format, no typos, ‘lots of white’ etc.
It is true that if you have a formally deficient screenplay but a rock solid story, you will ultimately find the money. If you have a dead-boring story written in a perfect, super polished screenplay, no-one will care. Still, your script may be eliminated from a funding round just because it looks un-professional.
The external reader in charge of making the first selection may decide that if you are not disciplined to even get something as simple as the format right, you are not serious about screenwriting in the first place.
LOGLINE
It tells in only a few words what your story is about. Twenty-five-words-or-less, ideally. If you can’t do this, most likely any future sales people will have trouble pitching your story.
The logline is a one sentence or one paragraph summary of your story, sometimes called the elevator pitch. Clever writers have used this tool during development and now is the time for the world to admire the brilliant gem.
The logline is so powerful, it doesn’t just tell us what the story is about, it also demonstrates your clarity in terms of vision and plot.
Think of it like this: if you give the people deciding on development or production investment the most powerful, exciting line summarising your story, you can almost be sure your story will pop in their minds before any others. You have already half won the money.
SYNOPSIS
Even if the synopsis is not used for the first elimination, a badly written synopsis will most likely throw you out of the race at some point. Once a first selection is made, readers will need to refresh their minds and in stead of re-reading the entire script, they may look at the synopsis in stead. If yours is sloppy and uninspiring, this may reflect on the discussions about the script in the shortlisting stage.
I am of the opinion that significant tax money could be saved if funding agencies would behave like the rest of the film industry and make a selection based on the synopsis first. It is a time-efficient and highly reliable tool to assess the story in a reasonable level of detail without the need to read for hours. A badly constructed story can be a good read but ultimately it may waste everyone’s time.
Finally, one page is one page. Don’t cheat. If necessary, cut out all subplots and focus purely on the protagonist’s journey.
THREE PAGE OUTLINE
Here you can go into more detail about any side-characters and their journeys. If the synopsis suffered in terms of its style because of the struggle to get the essential plot points in, here you can be more evocative. Give us a flavour of the genre of the film by using expressive language. However, this is still not a treatment: no dialogue or detailed description.
DEVELOPMENT NOTES
Honesty first. Know your strengths and weaknesses. Don’t over-sell. Be clear about what you want to achieve in the next draft. The development notes are hugely important and in all fairness, it is not really an area where you can be on your own. It always pays to hire a professional to look over the application materials as the competition is fierce and many of your competitors will have worked through their submission with the help of a script consultant.
These notes should provide the SWOT Analysis of your work. Why do you believe it will attract millions of viewers? Why is it worth spending money on further development? And most importantly: what are you intending to do next? For a writer, it is hard to judge the merits of your own work. Here you will need help from an experienced reader, another writer or a script editor.
One more piece of advice: start writing these documents EARLY. Don’t wait until the last days before the deadline. Not only will you save yourself the stress and the danger of having documents riddled with typos. When you have the time to let your application materials rest for a week, two, three, you will have time to write another seriously improved draft. You will pick up on weaknesses you didn’t see in the first place. The final result will be 200% better.
Back to work. Good luck!
Screenplay Checklist (Premium) >>
Learn From Other People’s Mistakes >>
Jan
7
The Secret
Filed Under Free Content, Newsletters | Leave a Comment
While you were out celebrating New Year’s Eve, I was watching David Cronenberg’s eXistenZ on DVD. Not that I’m such a pathetic hermit; it was just my wife’s fun idea of closing the Old Year. She admitted afterwards she might have been wrong. Missing the Sydney Fireworks and all that.
Meanwhile, the Story Dept. has entered its third calendar year, offering workshops, one-on-one consultancy PLUS a Premium Version of this blog, exclusive to clients and
subscribers. The Hero’s Journey continues, the obsession grows.
THE HERO’S SECRET
eXistenZ, named after a fictitious virtual reality video game, was released around the same time as THE MATRIX; the timing having been an excuse for its poor performance. I was surprised to see Roger Ebert’s review not really giving us any critical assessment of the film; all he says is:“eXistenZ’ is likely to appeal especially to computer game players”. He probably means: “It sucked but I don’t know why.”
The film remains original and entertaining but I believe the end holds a crucial mistake as it turns out our heroes have been keeping a secret from us. This goes directly against a key principle of writing for the screen: a protagonist must share with us their knowledge and emotions.
In the Premium Edition (see also below) I will look at a few more examples of heroes who are ruining box office prospects by withholding information or being unreliable for other reasons.
THE WRITER’S SECRET
When I asked one of my most loyal clients for a testimonial, he refused. I was baffled. “Karel,” he said, “if you knew where the gold was buried, would you go and tell everyone?” At first I thought that was a lame excuse, but then I had no reason NOT to believe him. He is a film industry professional who always puts his money where his mouth is. He is continuing our collaboration throughout 2008. But I’m not allowed to tell anybody.
My Unknown Client says about the story theory I’m teaching and applying during my consultancies “it’s the film industry’s best kept secret.” In many ways, he is right. Despite the title of Robert McKee’s bestselling screenwriting manual ‘STORY’, he only dedicates a relatively brief section to the principles of story structure. Many screenwriting manuals do mention the three-act structure but forget to explain why it works and why it is successful. Without a proper foundation, the 3-act structure remains dead theory.
Some people say Australian film schools are gravely deficient in the area of structure and if I am to believe my clients, many AWG script assessors tend to barely brush over it, too. In an article in The Australian last week, Joan Sauers, Billy Stoneking and Duncan Thompson blamed Australian scripts. Again. And again they forgot to mention what William Goldman said: “Story is structure”Â. I say: we have excellent writers, but they fail to structure their stories. For that reason, the drama of screenwriting is not going to save our feature films. Daytime TV has drama. Only I am not going to watch it.
My Unknown Client is right: what pretty much every screenwriter in the rest of the world knows - and what some practice -, seems to remain the best kept secret in Australia.
UPCOMING WORKSHOPS
Since September, about 60 people have attended my story workshops in NSW and the ACT. On 3 February I will be teaching my first workshop in Queensland, at the International Film College. For registration go directly to the web site of the IFC.
The next Story Workshop in Sydney will take place on Sunday 10 February at the NSW Writers Centre. For details and registration go here. The course fee is $99 for early birds (payment received on 20 January), for subscribers of this blog and for members of the NSW Writers Centre. Full registration is $125 for the day, this also includes tea and coffee, a CD with software, a glossary and a list with recommended reading.
(Note: The workshop is particularly recommended if you were thinking of hiring me as your script editor or story consultant. It introduces the essential vocabulary needed to discuss screen story and gives you an insight in the background and inspiration of my consultancy work. Workshop students also get access to the Premium version of the Story Dept. See below.)
I first recommended Celtx in October 2006. Until a year ago however, I didn’t know anybody who was actually using the software. Since then, a handful of my new clients have taken the dive and are satisfied to the extent they are not (any longer) considering purchasing a commercial package.
Celtx keeps adding new features, while it remains free to download. A great tool is the file upload feature, allowing you to save a safety copy of your work on the private and secure Celtx servers. If you wish to make your script known to the world, you can make the file public. You don’t have to.
Recently a client wanted to import a Word document into Celtx. The software doesn’t provide for this (yet) but the support pages describe a method, which - in my case - worked beautifully.
And thanks to Mike Jones I now know you pronounce Celtx with a ‘k’. The name actually stands for: “Crew, Equipment, Location, Talent and XML”. The guys behind it don’t call it screenwriting software, but ‘media production software’.
SCRIPT LAYOUT AND FORMAT
The main raison-d’etre for script software is to get the formatting right. Unfortunately there are still a myriad of conventions that are not automatically dealt with and if you don’t get them right, you are not considered a pro. Yet another reason why not to spend large amounts of money on software until you are actually making money writing.
Don’t get me wrong: you MUST get your formatting absolutely right. When you pay a story or script consultant, you don’t want to waste your money on layout notes.
Three of my clients who paid for script assessments through the Australian Writers Guild or directly to one of the script services, found pages of detailed feedback on format. As a matter of fact, the space it took up in the assessment seemed disproportionate to the essential and professional story and script advice you would expect. You don’t pay between two and eight hundred dollars to find information you can perfectly find in a book under $50 or even for free on the web. The AWG are currently reviewing their script assessment service and IMHO it’s about time.
Do I have the be-all and end-all solution to your formatting nightmares? No But I might just have a little life saver.
After reading a plug on the Mystery Man blog, I ordered a copy of David Trottier’s The Screenwriter’s Bible
THE STORY DEPARTMENT: PREMIUM EDITION
The Premium Edition of The Story Dept. is now live. For the cost of a coffee every fortnight you will get:
1) Premium Membership: unrestricted access to all past and future editions of the newsletters, for one year.
2) Stage One Story Consultancy, phone feedback FREE once per year (value AUD$89).
3) Stage Two and Three at loyalty discount rate, (up to AUD$72 off the advertised rate, each).
4) One Virtual Coffee: double-shot decaf skim soy cappuccino.
For all the above you will pay the grand sum of $89 If you were planning on taking the Stage One Consultancy, it means you’re paying $0 for everything else. (Offer applies only until the publication of the next post on this blog)
Some ideas for upcoming Premium Editions:
- How to divide your story into three acts. There are many theories and it doesn’t matter which one you follow, as long as it helps you to improve your story. Fact is: many writers aren’t even sure where their stories’ acts start or end.
- Structural Analysis. It’s something I’ve long wanted to include in these articles and will soon do in the Premium Edition: Not for the sake of it but to help you identify crucial story points. I recently watched DIE HARD (#1) again and compared notes with the guys of MovieOutline.com (note: I am not endorsing the software). Interesting result…
- A bibliography of popular screenwriting books, plus notes on what I believe to be their strengths and weaknesses.
Sign up now for one year on the Subscription Page. The process is automatic and effective immediately upon payment through PayPal. You can have your temporary username and password within minutes. (Present clients may get access at no additional cost - conditions apply.)
OFFICE SPACE FOR RENT:
My friend Zoe Harvey is looking for people interested in sharing office space:
“Office space for rent at 10a Hall Street, Bondi Beach. The office is centrally located in busy Hall Street, one storey above the street and one block from Campbell Parade and the beach. There are two rooms for rent, both with polished floorboards, high ceilings and new paint. The rooms can be rented either separately or together. One room is approximately 4 x 6 metres (24m2) and the adjoining sunroom which is 2 x 8 metres (16m2). Each room is $200 per week rented separately or if rented together $300 per week.
The office is fully serviced and rent includes all electricity, gas, water and ADSL 2 connection with unlimited download. The office is networked via airport hubs. The office currently houses businesses involved in film production and graphic design. Companies involved in film, TV, video, graphics or related industries would be best suited.
Incoming tenants will need to install their own phone lines. There is no off-street parking.
For more information please contact: Greg Read on 02 - 9365 5300 during business hours or email: greg@paperbarkfilms.com or Zoe Harvey on 02 - 9130 2544 / 0403 236 252 during business hours or email: zoe@torridfilms.com”
INTERNSHIP VIDEO EDITING
Valentina Rizzutto from Milan in Italy is looking for a producer or production house that could offer her a video editing internship. If you can help, her email address: valentina.rizzuto@gmail.com.
L.A. FILM FEST LOOKING FOR OZZY SHORTS
Friend writer/filmmaker Elizabeth Ban told me the HOLLYSHORTS film festival in Hollywood is looking for Australian short films. Here are the festival details:
HollyShorts Film Festival, Marina Del Rey, CA
February 15, 2008 - Earlybird Deadline
www.hollyshorts.com/
If they receive enough submissions, they should start a section called OZZYSHORTS.
OUR NEW LOOK
As you see I have switched the template for the blog as too many people didn’t like the ‘white on black’. If you prefer the old look, let me know by joining the poll in the margin of this blog. Many thanks!
