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Logline it! – The Blood List 2013 – Week 1

Writing loglines is an essential skill for screenwriters, from early development through to the pitch. In this section, we review the loglines and short synopses of the screenplays that made it into The Blood List 2013. Learn from the feedback and perfect your own loglining skills.

By The Judges

THE AUTOPSY OF JANE DOE

written by Ian Goldberg & Richard Naing

[box]”A father / son mortician team try to uncover the cause of death on a Jane Doe. The more they uncover, the more mysterious and terrifying their world becomes.”[/box]

Cameron: What the logline has: Father/son relationship dynamic, a goal to discover the cause of death on a Jane Doe and hints at supernatural elements that will provide an antagonist force. Though ‘mysterious and terrifying their world becomes’ may be considered vague, it provides enough of a hook to flip past the scripts title page. But it treads a fine line between hook and vague.

Also, if there is a conflict dynamic between the father and son, hinting at that conflict would add depth to the protagonist’s in the logline.

 

INK AND BONE

written by Zak Olkewicz

[box]”When a female book editor visits the home of a horror writer she finds that all of his creations are holding him hostage.”[/box]

Cameron: As the logline stands, the only thing we know about the protagonist is that she’s ‘female’ — not much to picture there. How about stating her character flaw or a defining trait that will effect how the audience can picture her reacting to the inciting incident of finding this horror writer with his creations holding him hostage.

Speaking of inciting incidents, that’s the only thing that the remainder of the logline actually achieves. I know, the goal is kind-of implied, most likely it’s ‘escape the house of horrors with herself and the writer intact’, but stating that in the logline wouldn’t hurt or bloat the logline either.

So what is your verdict? Would you want to see these films? Why (not)? Did the judges get it right? How would you improve the synopses/loglines and what do you feel might improve the stories behind them?

To read the full reviews and those from casual visitors, go to www.logline.it.

About the Author

Cameron Pattison

Comments 1

  1. I think you’re on the right track with this: “She is a time elemental who has lived since the bgninnieg of time. When time is messed with and if she is dead then time will cease to be.”Those are great stakes and I get a better feel for her. She doesn’t just need to find out who/what she is. The self discovery is secondary – the big issue is what she can do with her new found powers. Or even that she must learn to unleash her powers or else she, and all time, will cease to exist. Me thinks you just need a little tweaking. Remember – rants are good! They can reveal some of the best story elements :)

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