The Judges: Week 16

In 2011, each week 10 judges will review two short synopses from films that are currently in development.

 

The objective is to all (that includes us judges) learn from the exercise.

 

Please comment on our comments!

Creative Commons License photo credit: swanksalot

If you have an opinion on any of these synopses or the feedback from the judges, please share it with us in the comments below.

Please keep the discussion constructive. Even if your first instinct may be subjective, try to give us as objective a reply as possible.

ORIGIN OF THE WORLD


“A quintessential ice queen, living an unapologetically hedonistic existence, is forced to confront her choices and values by the unexpected arrival of the 18-year-old son she has never met.”

 

The judges’ votes:


 

Do you want to see this film?

Yes: 10% – No: 10% – Not sure: 80%

Would Australians want to see it?

Yes: 10% – No: 10% – Not sure: 80%

Would it work in rest of the world?

Yes: 10% – No: 10% – Not sure: 80%

The judges’ verdict:


 

Ursula: This sounds good. I like it. It reflects society today but in an interesting way. The baby boomer generation are definitely hedonistic and their kids are so conservative compared. Also, ice queens are bitchy and cold-hearted so finding out about a son will help her change. I see lots of potential here. This logline is simple, to the point, and a good idea. I like it a lot. Look forward to seeing this film. Get a better title though.

I don’t see how an ice queen can be a hedonist.

 

Margaret: I don’t see how an ice queen can be a hedonist. Perhaps a better picture of the protagonist is needed here. And what happens after she meets her son? It seems that this only goes as far as the inciting incident.

It could be a good film but it is not very original.

 

Jack: It could be a good film but it is not very original. The synopsis should include a sentence that shows why this story is different to the many other “child enters and disrupts adult’s life” movies.


THE RIGHT HAND


“A young man is sent to prison where he becomes the perfect apprentice to ‘public enemy number one’, beating him at his own game.”

 

The judges’ votes:


 

Do you want to see this film?

Yes: 40% – No:  20% – Not sure:  40%

Would Australians want to see it?

Yes: 20% – No:  10% – Not sure:  70%

Would it work in rest of the world?

Yes:  25% – No:  25% – Not sure:  50%

The judges’ verdict:


 

Nina: This synopsis is a little too broad. Give the reader an idea of the main character’s flaw and the inciting incident – how he arrived in jail. By also giving us an idea of the antagonist and what the stakes are, the writer begins to create a mental picture of confinement and violence. If I am correct in my assumption, it is interesting that the writer chose to reveal the dénouement ‘beating him at his own game’. Mentioning the main character’s special talent may be enough to imply, rather than reveal, at how it will be possible to beat the antagonist at his own game.

it is interesting that the writer chose to reveal the dénouement ‘beating him at his own game’.

 

Steven: Tell us more about the protagonist. Especially anything that seperates him from being just some common crook or diliquent. For example, perhaps he has been wrongly charged for a crime he never committed. Secondly, specifiy concretely who the main antogonist is. And, in particular, describe why that antagonist is a powerful figure. For example, “a genius sociopath who has people in high places – both in and out of prison – under his thumb due to his brilliant blackmail schemes”.

I’ve seen this film before – it’s called UN PROPHETE.

 

Dan: I’ve seen this film before – it’s called UN PROPHETE. And probably a few more. What makes it different? Is it Australian?



The Judges (click for details)



So what is your verdict? Would you want to see these films? Why (not)? Did the judges get it right? How would you improve the synopses/loglines and what do you feel might improve the stories behind them?

 

Please give us your opinion in the comments at the bottom of this page.


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Adrian Kok

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