The Judges: Week 21

The Judges

10 judges review two short synopses from films that are currently in development.

The objective is to all (that includes us judges) learn from the exercise.

Please comment on our comments!

Creative Commons License photo credit: swanksalot

If you have an opinion on any of these synopses or the feedback from the judges, please share it with us in the comments below.

Please keep the discussion constructive. Even if your first instinct may be subjective, try to give us as objective a reply as possible.

WORM


“When obese 25-year-old Nigel Higson joins a medical trial for a radical new weight loss treatment the kilos begin to fall off, but the side effects are deadly – for him and his love life.”

 

The judges’ votes:


Do you want to see this film?

Yes: 20% – No: 20% – Not sure: 60%

Would Australians want to see it?

Yes: 10% – No: 0% – Not sure: 90%

Would it work in rest of the world?

Yes: 10% – No: 30% – Not sure: 60%

The judges’ verdict:


 

Steven: Reasonable and clear set up. And the character has a compelling motive to attempt something experimental, even life-threatening. I would have gone a bit further to emphasise the character’s motive and consequences. For example, “Nigel, a hyper-obese loser with women, is given the chance to submit to a radical medical procedure that will dissolve away all the kilos. The procedure will give him the confidence to hit the nightclubs with a vengeance. Except that side effects start emerging … Side effects deadly to both his body and his manhood.” But, otherwise, the synopsis is on the right track. It just needs to be more vivid to the reader.

Good idea for a thriller/horror film if that’s what it is.

 

Ursula: Side Efffects are of a horror variety or thriller? I think we need to know a bit about the side effects to really get sucked in without giving away too much. Good idea for a thriller/horror film if that’s what it is.

I’m intrigued because I can’t quite put together how the weight loss and love life are tied together.

 

Margaret: Hmmm, I’m intrigued because I can’t quite put together how the weight loss and love life are tied together. Is this a horror? The logline certainly reads like it is. If so, then I’d like to know more about the threat. Just saying “deadly consequences” is not scary enough if I don’t know what is bringing about those consequences or what they are going to be.


SIBLINGS


“An ensemble comedy about five young people all connected by the same sperm donor dad and their quest to find him.”

 

The judges’ votes:


Do you want to see this film?

Yes: 40% – No:  20% – Not sure:  40%

Would Australians want to see it?

Yes: 20% – No:  0% – Not sure:  80%

Would it work in rest of the world?

Yes:  40% – No:  10% – Not sure:  50%

The judges’ verdict:


 

Dan: There’s potential here for an Apatow (or sub-Apatow) broad comedy and they can work really well. Not enough about the characters – what differentiates them is as important as what binds them together.

There’s potential here for an Apatow (or sub-Apatow) broad comedy

 

Nina: An ensemble cast still requires one point of view for the audience to follow. The inciting incident that starts the story is not evident. Is it when they find out about each other or when they begin their search together? The goal – to find their father – is stated but not the stakes or the antagonist. The writer should emphasize where the comedic elements are imbedded, within the characters or the world in which the characters inhabit.

An ensemble cast still requires one point of view for the audience to follow.

 

Jack: This could be very good and very funny, but the writer is not telling us much here. How about one or two character sketches so we can see how the humour will be generated?



The Judges (click for details)



So what is your verdict? Would you want to see these films? Why (not)? Did the judges get it right? How would you improve the synopses/loglines and what do you feel might improve the stories behind them?

 

Please give us your opinion in the comments at the bottom of this page.


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Adrian Kok

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